The Fertility Mind Podcast
Welcome to my podcast. I share Raw, unfiltered stories of the Infertility world. Throughout the episodes, I share my own success with IVF, and you will hear from my guests about their success in the Fertility world. I will also share tools and techniques of Mindset and Manifestation. I have first-hand experience with how mindset and Manifestation changed the trajectory of my journey. I have since then applied this to every area of my life, and the transformation is beautiful. I know this is just the beginning. This podcast means so much to me because, In 2014, I found myself in the middle of the Fertility world, feeling alone and searching for hope. Everywhere I searched on social media, looking for a connection with others on the same infertility journey, I only found dwindling hope. In 2019, when I entered the Fertility world again, I reached out on social media, but it only seemed worse. It became my mission to spread hope with success stories, have open conversations about medical protocols and create connections. A positive community for others to feel supported, uplifted, and know they are not alone.
The Fertility Mind Podcast
S2 | E26 Are you Addicted to the Suffering?
Hey, Hey, Welcome back!
Have you ever felt trapped in a cycle of emotional turmoil, unable to break free from the shadows of past experiences? Join me, as I navigate the harrowing yet transformative world of fertility struggles in the latest episode of the Fertility Mind Podcast. I'll be sharing my deeply personal journey through IVF, revealing the soul-crushing moments that tested my resolve and the enlightening concept of being “addicted to suffering.” Through candid reflections, I invite you to explore how understanding and embracing this notion can lead to a profound shift in perspective, offering a path towards healing and growth.
You'll uncover the pivotal role that thoughts and emotions play in our fertility journeys, and how mindset and manifestation can guide us through the storm. Drawing from my own experiences, I delve into the practices that have helped me reshape my emotional landscape, including visualization, meditation, and living in your imagination. Together, we'll learn the art of surrendering.
Embrace the power of creation and expansion as we master the art of allowing. By aligning with the vibrational frequency of our desires, we can manifest our dreams into reality, shifting from a state of suffering to one of joyful anticipation. This episode is a heartfelt call to self-growth, inviting you to break free from past limitations and embrace the journey of becoming who you truly aspire to be.
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Email - jessica@thefertilitymind.com
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Welcome to the Fertility Mind Podcast. I am your host, jessica Friesen, a certified fertility mindset coach, a sound healer and an international best-selling author. My mission for this podcast is to give you weekly episodes where you hear my own success with IVF and how mindset and manifestation changed it all for me. You will also hear from my guests who share their success stories in the fertility world. I want you to know that you are not alone, even when things feel tough and when things feel like they aren't going your way. The tools and techniques you will get in this podcast, I know, can change everything for you too. So thanks for being here with me today and let's dive in. Hello and welcome back. I'm so excited to be back here with you.
Speaker 1:I have some announcements I want to share at the end of the episode, but, more importantly, I really just want to dive in. I'm very passionate about this question, but it is an emotional impact question, so I invite you to listen with an open heart and an open mind and listen all the way through until the end for you to understand how I changed my answer from an oh hell, no to a yes, yes. And still to this day, to this very moment, I ask myself this question and when I think the answer is no, sometimes it goes back to a yes. So are you ready? Are you addicted to the suffering? Are you addicted to the suffering? I'm going to be bold and say yes. What I really want to say is most of you, if not all of you, but I'm going to say yes. Now, please, before you press pause or stop listening to this episode or throw your phone across the room because I just emotionally hijacked you. I apologize Because the truth is, if you would have asked me this blunt of a question in the thick of my fertility journeys and other contrast and undesirable situations, I would have said to you no and, depending on the day if it was a really rough day you might even got a polite oh hell, no. But thanks for asking, because what I was really feeling, my constant thought, was, if you only knew, if you only knew the soul crushing experiences that I kept experiencing, if you only knew the series of unfortunate events that kept going on, that kept happening, that were completely out of my control, you would know that I'm trying to stay positive, that I'm trying to find the silver lining, I'm trying to find some joy, I'm trying to find some gratitude and some days I'm honestly just trying to make it through the day without crying. So no, how could I possibly be addicted to the suffering? I could have cried you rivers and oceans of how desperately I wanted to have my desired family. I could have talked to you until you were blue in the face of things that were going wrong, seeking answers, seeking advice on how to dissipate the situations and circumstances that just kept happening so I could get my head above water.
Speaker 1:I had to compartmentalize myself at work. I had to compartmentalize myself on most of the days that my stepdaughters were home, because I didn't want them to see this soul-crushing experience that I was going through. Because I had three little impressionable girls in my house that talked about how someday they can't wait to be a mom and how blah, blah, blah beautiful things, and I thought I don't ever want you to experience this. I had to hold a lot of things together for a lot of people and it was hard. There was moments on my lunch break. I couldn't wait, just to take my lunch break so I could just do the ugly cry in my car and then I would compose myself together.
Speaker 1:In season one, episode one I shared with you how, every single transfer, I happened to be at work when I got the phone call to tell me the results, that my transfers had failed, and I would text my boss, or call my boss quickly in the intercom in our office and just say I'm closing my office door for 10 minutes, I'm putting on my do not disturb sign, I just need 10 minutes, and I would cry and then I'd put myself back together Because I had to compose myself. I still had to work, like so many of you, and it was tough. So, guys, for a really long time I think you were in the same place. You'd be like no, no, jessica, I'm not addicted to the suffering. If you only knew, and each and every one of you could share with me all of your experiencing, your soul crushing experiences. And every time you share that, you are right back in that moment and reliving it.
Speaker 1:Guys, emotions are rooted in the past. Emotions are rooted in the past. So when you're emotional about something, my God, how do you not have emotions? When you're in the thick of a fertility journey, my God, yes, you have emotions. And this is why I also want to say to you it's not your fault it's not your fault but how I uncovered that it was a hell. No to yes. I guess I'm addicted to the suffering, because my results always told me the truth. What do I mean when I say my results always told me the truth? Quote, unquote my bunny ears here you can't see them because this is the audio version.
Speaker 1:I wasn't manifesting and I really believe that I was doing everything that I possibly could, and I really believed that I was doing everything that I possibly could. So, therefore, my results were telling me that I had this big question mark around me. I don't know if I'm going to have my desired family. I don't know if this is going to work. I don't know how long it's going to take. I don't know if I can keep affording this. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know, question mark after question mark after question mark, are these situations and circumstances going to change or dissolve or get better? I don't know. Everything had this massive question mark around me. So my results were telling me I could not manifest. It was telling me I did not know my actual desired result. I knew what I wanted, but I didn't know and I didn't really believe that I could have it. I tied up my self-worth into it and every single person that I've ever come across that's been on a fertility journey. Yes, your self-image, your self-worth has been impacted Because you ask yourself why your body's not doing what it's supposed to do.
Speaker 1:You ask yourself why me? When you see that pregnant teenager across the street, for that split second that you have the thought like why you and not me? Yes, I know that's judgmental and I apologize, but I know every one of you has thought it or experienced it. I did, you has thought it or experienced it. I did. I thought in that split second I'm married, you don't have to be married to have children, and I'm not saying that that's what you did. In my head I was like I'm married, I have a home and I can financially support this baby and I want it more, wanted more than anything. So why you and not me? Split second thought, and then I would go on with my day, but I felt that and I would carry that feeling, that emotion, with me and emotions are completely rooted in the past and constantly bringing our past into our present.
Speaker 1:I want you to think about that, the way you drive, to work, the way your body goes and responds to. The way you're driving to work or the grocery store or wherever you're driving is very different than when you know you were driving to a fertility appointment. Maybe you white knuckle the steering wheel a little bit more driving to a fertility appointment, maybe you white knuckle the steering wheel a little bit more. Maybe you have to say, right, we're going to think positive, we're going to listen to something positive, we're going to listen to music that uplifts me. We're going to do something different. Because you have that feeling in the pit of the stomach Maybe it's filled with the duality of hope and excitement and nerves and all these things but you're still pulling that emotion forward with you of what if this doesn't work? What if the doctor is really busy? What if this, what if that? And you can push it down easy and be like nope, I don't want to think about that. But that emotion is still there. It's still ever present. It's still ever present.
Speaker 1:So I want to share with you some things that really told me that I was addicted to the suffering that I had no idea. So I want to ask you to think about how you are with your friends or your safe people. Let's just do your safe people. If you saw me on the street or you walked in and you were one of my clients and you said, hey, I'd be like, hey, how are you, I'm good, how are you? I was so damn good at the I'm good, I even upgraded to start saying I'm wonderful or I'm fantastic, how are you? Because I really didn't want anyone to know what I was really going through, really going through, because I was afraid I could at any moment break down and just start crying and I don't know if I could have stopped myself. So I had to hide behind that smile, I had to compartmentalize myself. But when, when I was with my safe people, as conversation would progress, they'd say like, okay, so how are you really?
Speaker 1:And then I was an emotional floodgate of sharing all the things that weren't working. I shouldn't say sharing all, sharing enough detail of how things weren't working. And when I would leave the conversation I didn't feel better. I usually felt worse. And it's not because they said something, because sometimes I was honestly just sharing with my safe people. So they knew that no, I don't have it all together. And I was secretly searching for someone to say to me it's gonna work out out and it's going to work out better than you imagine. I didn't have anyone saying that to me, because even my husband was filled with just as many fears as I was.
Speaker 1:So I welcomed in Law of Attraction audiobooks something that could fill me up on my drive, something that could keep me positive, something that could help a new learning curve, if you will. I learned in the very first law of attraction audiobook I thought of that teenager and I would send love. And then it got to the point where I saw anyone that was expecting, or anyone with a young family or a family of any age. I would send them love because I'm like that's me, that's my life, I get to have this and I would want people to send me love. And especially if there was, you know, maybe a toddler acting out in the grocery store or something, I really sent them love Because I thought when I have my kids, I want someone to send me love.
Speaker 1:Because, guys, no matter if you get to have children naturally or you conceive your children through surrogacy or fertility treatments, parenting is filled with a lot of beautiful and wonderful, and sometimes scary, and a lot of fearful emotions. So, yeah, just because you went through this journey. To get your kids doesn't mean all of a sudden your family life is going to be peachy. There is moments you're tired. There is moments where you know they call them the terrible twos or terrible threes for a reason because they're seeking their personality. And I heard my friends sharing about the terrible twos and the terrible threes and I would have been the first person to be like, okay, I wish I could experience that for myself. I wish I could really experience that for myself. And guys, I know some of you are thinking like you already have three stepdaughters, so you got to experience it.
Speaker 1:Yes, but it is not the same. That does not mean I love my stepdaughters any less, and I feel like I have to share these things because this is open for the world wide web to listen to. It is not the same having stepchildren as wanting to have your own children, and when I was little, I really, really always wanted to have children and no matter how amazing your co-parenting relationship could be or is, or maybe it's on the opposite end of the spectrum and it's terrible and full of high contrast. The children go through things. My three stepdaughters had emotional impacts, from having one family to all of a sudden having two separate families, with each parent now having a new partner in their life and then blending a family. So we'll leave it at that, but let's go back.
Speaker 1:So step one when I was with my safe people, I was a floodgate of sharing how bad it was for someone to tell me that it was going to work out, because I wasn't believing this, because at this point, I already had three failed transfers and I had tried for the better part of a year, naturally before we found ourselves in a fertility clinic and there was a lot. There was a lot, there was a lot. And, please, guys, I understand every fertility journey is unique and it's different. Some, some people have it far worse than I ever did. But this is understanding mindset, because it doesn't matter how easy or how incredibly soul-crushing your fertility journey is, your mindset and everything is what can change so much for you.
Speaker 1:So I want you to really think about how you were with your safe people, because what I didn't understand is that I was so emotionally and vibrationally connected to the frequency that what I wanted didn't exist or that I truly believed. I didn't know if I was going to have it. I was trying to borrow someone else's belief that it was going to work out, because mine was really dwindling. And I'm being transparent my safe people did not give me responses that I needed or desired, and that's nothing against them. They didn't really know what I needed and I know that they weren't saying those things to hurt me or to discourage me or to say anything wrong. If you've never gone on a fertility journey, you have no idea. So what they say may be thoughtful advice, but to you you're like, yeah, that's not helping, but thanks and sometimes it is just to try and release that emotion that you share it with your people, especially your partner.
Speaker 1:I often shared with my husband of how I felt. I often shared with him of you know what I don't know, like how I? Today is hard, and he'd be like I know, I get it. I feel like it's hard too, and there was even these moments where I was like, yeah, but you got to have three children. Naturally, I know I sound like an evil person for saying that out loud. Those were honest thoughts, but you already got to do this three times with someone else. I share all this in season one, episode one, but this is what I want to talk to you about. I want you to, number one, evaluate how you are with your friends, your safe people, how you really are. I want you to think about your inner thoughts, that you're saying, and I want you to think about how you're sharing.
Speaker 1:Because the difference between my first fertility journey and my second fertility journey was I was now studying mindset and manifestation. It wasn't just law of attraction, audiobooks. So I got smart, I set myself some boundaries. So when I was with my safe people, I'd just say you know what? We just had this happen or this happen, but it's not going to get me down, but that's all I'm going to say. I got guarded with my words, not in a bad way, but I just I started hearing the terms thought become things. So if my thoughts were going to be talking about how bad things were, then that was going to become the thing. So I didn't have to talk about it.
Speaker 1:But again, the feelings. Your feelings are the secret. My emotions were all rooted in the past and it was almost worse in the second journey than it was in the first because I felt guilt. On top of it, I was ridden with guilt. How dare I not feel grateful? I've already manifested healthy boy-girl twins. How dare I want more children? How dare I put my family through all of this again? How dare I spend more finances on something? How dare I on something? How dare I so again? Emotions are rooted in the past and season one, episode two, I share my secondary fertility journey and I share with you how we had a failed transfer, then a miscarriage and then another failed transfer before again I did something magical. So first fertility journey and second fertility journey it was the fourth transfer.
Speaker 1:I'm going to talk to you about this magical thing that I did in a moment. So the second thing I want to talk to you I've just talked to you about number one think about how, how you are with your friends and how you're really feeling. Number two I really believed everything was out of my control. I could not control the way people or situations or things that were going on in my house felt. I could not stop how people said things or did things. I could not control my own fertility. I could not do any of those things. I couldn't control my body. I couldn't control medications. I couldn't. All I could do was follow my body, follow my medications. But here's where I'm supposed to tell you, and I am going to tell you that you're wrong.
Speaker 1:You absolutely can guide your thoughts. You can guide your thoughts from how you're feeling. You can rewrite your feelings. You can choose not to bring your past into your present. So again, I'm going to say emotions are rooted in the past. So you can create new emotions when you're going in to your fertility appointments. You can guide your thoughts from being to the what if it doesn't work? To the I know it's going to work To trust in divine timing, to trust in finding joy and gratitude and living in your imagination versus living in your five senses and living in your current reality where nothing is working. Rewrite your day, every single day. So if you do bring in those emotions, you've rewritten it and let it go. Easier said than done. I will be honest. It takes practice, it takes being persistent, but when you do those things, you see a change.
Speaker 1:I believed for so long that time time was the only thing that was going to make some of these dissipate, some of these situations and circumstances. It was only time I could work on myself. I could do all of these things. I even shared with you in a grief episode. I was grieving a lot of things, grieving a fertility journey, grieving that I couldn't have children. Naturally, I was even grieving that, when I studied mindset and manifestation, I couldn't just be the old version of me. I had to be a new version of me, this one that actually set goals, desires and dreams and decided to visualize and meditate and see my life playing out with these end scenes. With these end scenes, I could see myself doing something different, and that meant, with my situations and circumstances, I had to get up early in the morning to do that. Why couldn't I just get up with my family at seven? Why couldn't I just do this? Why couldn't I just do that? Why does this person get to have this and I don't? Why does that person, why does you know everything happen to other people who don't study mindset or manifestation? Why does their life seem to be unfolding beautifully and mine doesn't?
Speaker 1:I was grieving something, but what I understood is I was still believing that things were out of my control. I believed that mindset and manifestation worked, but more often than not I thought maybe it just doesn't for me, maybe I'm just not that special, you name it and I again thought that I was really trying, I was starting to do mirror work. I was doing some affirmations, I had some end scenes. I wasn't always consistent, but I was doing some things differently and I was getting up at five in the morning. I had reading partners and study partners. I did go on live calls when I was paying for my courses and my coaches and my mentors to help me do things and my mentors to help me do things. But the one thing was is when I would start to live in my imagination. I battled it because my belief in there said I don't know if this is possible. I want to share something that it took me a while to really grasp.
Speaker 1:Dr Joe Dispenza says your personality creates your personal reality. So, if you think about that, my personality is creating my personal reality. So my personality I'm thinking I'm a bubbly person, I'm really trying to be positive, I have this optimistic outlook on life. So, yeah, this has got to create my personality, like my personal reality, right? But there was a lot of contrast always going on in my life and I always kept saying, like, what is wrong with me? What did I do to deserve this? There was a lot of self-image that was really wrapped into that, and the more that I was searching in my environment for proof that I could manifest, that I could have all the things I desired. All I kept searching and finding was it's not possible for me. So my personality started becoming a bit more introverted, my personality started to become a bit more guarded, my personality started to live in so much more fear than it ever did in love. So I want to invite you to join me in one thing. I'm trying to share a lot of things with you, all wrapped up in this episode.
Speaker 1:I learned that I was addicted to suffering because, by reality, my results always kept showing my proof that I wasn't manifesting. But my fourth transfer of each journey, my miracles, came. I did this one thing called surrender. I didn't know what surrender meant the first time. I understood what I knew then of what surrender was. I have a very different understanding of surrender now, but my surrender was very much just saying God, creator, universe, spirit, archangels, who's ever listening, show me what to do different, because I really want to have my desired family and I really believe that I'm meant to have these beautiful humans in my life, but show me what I need to do different, because what I'm doing is not working for me and I invite you to ask yourself is what you're doing right now really working for you? It's a hard question to ask yourself, especially if you're still in the place of. No, I'm not addicted to this suffering.
Speaker 1:In season one, episode one, is my first fertility journey. In season one, episode two, is my secondary fertility journey and I show you the synchronicities that started to happen once I surrendered. I did things very differently and I've shared with you in many other episodes how I kept going back to my fertility journeys. How could I manifest my babies? But I couldn't manifest other things and it boiled down to the question question am I addicted to the suffering? I asked myself how I was with my friends. I asked myself are things out of my control? And I asked myself how often am I living in my imagination because these things are creating my results? How persistent, how consistent am I being amidst the crappy things that are going on? So, first fertility journey, fourth transfer my bank account said no, this is absolutely the last, the last transfer you can pay for. My heart and my emotion said this absolutely is the last one, because I can't go through another loss. Every part of me was saying something has to give, because I can't do this again. So I surrendered.
Speaker 1:When I was in my first fertility journey, when I was at my desk, I would rub my belly, I would get giddy throughout the day and be like I'm pregnant, even though I was desperately just waiting for my period to start so we could start cycle monitoring, so I could start my medications and gear up for the next implantation. I would rub my belly all day long, I would talk to my belly, I would go to our spare bedroom and I would say good night, my loves. I kept saying my boy girls are here. And then my husband and I named our twins. I got excited when I heard negative things or other things were going on around me. I thought no.
Speaker 1:I spent at least five times a day in my imagination seeing myself with our first Christmas, our holidays that we celebrate, seeing and asking myself who is this person now that she has her boy-girl twins. I was joyous. I was so grateful. I was living a life of my dreams and I brought all that from the present or future into the present. I started feeling joy and my nurses at my fertility clinic were like do you know something we don't Like? You're just awfully happy Because I was so damn excited that it had already happened.
Speaker 1:Even when it didn't, I started doing things different. I was showing up differently. I was taking actions differently. I was allowing love in instead of the fear. I was creating new emotions. I was not creating or bringing my past emotions in. I was creating new emotions because I was a mom, not a stepmom yes, still continue to be a stepmom, but I was a mom. My secondary fertility journey I did the same thing and I share again all the synchronicities, how everything lined up and it worked out in ways that I couldn't have imagined. And when, again, contrast showed up, I kept saying, especially when that guilt, my God, that guilt. It was a nasty little thought that just kept going unnoticed most times because I'd say no, my stepkids and now my twins get to be, you know, get to welcome another sibling. This is amazing. Even though there was a lot of duality, I kept living in my imagination Again named our son.
Speaker 1:I did all of these things and when I shared with people like I'm manifesting a boy, I'm manifesting boy, girl, twins, they'll look to me like shouldn't you just be healthy? Like shouldn't you just be grateful for a healthy baby. I'm like, oh, I'm grateful, but I have this thing called universe prime. I get to pick and choose what I want. All well knowing, please understand, all well knowing I would have been absolutely grateful for a girl when I was trying to manifest a boy which I did manifest my boy and I would have been happy with a single healthy baby when I was trying to manifest my twins. But I started asking for what it is that I really wanted, instead of what I thought that I was worth. Or I want this, so I really want to have twins, or I really want to have triplets. I really want to have a girl, I really want to have a boy. I really want to have a healthy pregnancy. I will. I'll take this because it just if it means I have a baby. A baby is better than what I really want.
Speaker 1:Ask for what it is that you really want, all while simultaneously being grateful that whatever you have is truly meant for you. I could go into the whole spiritual side of things, of like our souls are here for a purpose and you know, whatever comes, our soul is brought in to what is coming. I'll leave that out. I won't go all spirituality on you, but I want to read this as I'm as I'm right, as I'm, my goodness, I'm so tongue tied as I'm winding down the episode. Dr Joe Dispenza, I am falling more in love with his book Becoming Supernatural.
Speaker 1:But this is Ask and it's Given by Esther and Jerry Hicks, because this is something that also allowed me to uncover that I was addicted to the suffering because my results kept telling me that I wasn't manifesting, that I wasn't in receivership of my desires, because things weren't changing. So when I say I refer back to my fertility journeys, I really know and believe that I manifested my babies and that's why I said, like, what did I do to surrender? And many times I've thought in current areas of my life, in other situations, in other areas, I thought that I was surrendering, but I did not surrender to the level I did on my fertility journeys because, again, that subtle under-the-scenes thought belief that time will heal all of this or time will change this, because I don't really believe that it can change based off of my situations and circumstances. That was going so unnoticed that when I thought I was surrendering I really, really wasn't. So in the book Askin is Given by Esther and Jerry Hicks, in chapter 10 they say the three steps to whatever you want to be, do or have.
Speaker 1:The creative process is conceptually a simple one. It consists of just three steps. Step one this is your work. You ask. Ask for what you really, really, really want, not what you think you can have. Step two not your work. The answer is given. It's always given. Step three your work. The answer which has been given must be received or allowed. You have to let it in. And then further they go on to explain the steps, and I'm going to read step three to you, because it's a powerful one.
Speaker 1:Step three is the application of the art of allowing. It really is the reason your guidance system exists. It is the application of the art of allowing. It really is the reason your guidance system exists. It is the step whereby you tune the vibrational frequency of your being to match the vibrational frequency of your desire, in the same way that your radio tuner must be set to match the frequency of the broadcasting station you desire to hear. The vibrational frequency of your being must match the frequency of your desire, and we call this the art of allowing. That is, allowing what you are asking for, unless you are in the receiving mode. Your questions, even though they have been answered, will seem unanswered. Your prayers will not seem to be answered and your desires will not be fulfilled. Not because your wishes have not been heard, but because your vibrations are not a match. You are not letting them in.
Speaker 1:She then further goes on to say she then further goes on to say it's not about controlling your thoughts, it's about guiding your thoughts. So remember when I kept saying it was all out of my control. That was my belief. And then I said to you start guiding your thoughts to what it is that you want, instead of believing that everything around you is showing you that you can't have it. Only focus on what you want. So it goes on to say relax in the knowing so you can enter into the energy and allow it to work.
Speaker 1:It's so often we don't relax into the knowing because you're surrounded, like I said at the very beginning of the episode, you're surrounded by this ugly question mark Is it going to work? If it does, how long? How long? How much money? You name it. You are not relaxed in the knowing. I'm going to have my family because, even if you keep saying the words, one day, day at a time, or I know I will have this change. I will have to. I have, because the I will is so rooted in the future that it's not close to your present.
Speaker 1:Change what you say, watch what you say. Watch what you say Because, my goodness, when I surrendered, I relaxed into a knowing, my body relaxed, I didn't tense going to my fertility appointments. I was so much in joy, not in the old emotions of what if this works, what if that, what if this? Oh, my goodness, please tell me good news. Needles hurt injections, oh my gosh, you name it, guys, you know this, you know the emotional impacts create new emotions. And then the last point that I want to say through this book there's so many more, by the way, but again, to wrap up this episode, the law of attraction never deceives you. It responds precisely to the vibration that you were offering.
Speaker 1:So when I say to you guys, I had no idea that I was addicted to suffering because I had no idea what I was offering vibrationally, I really thought I was doing everything possible. And when I started doing journaling and I started doing mirror work, I really started to listen to. How did I feel when I wrote my affirmations? Was I writing them just to write them? Or did I write them with excitedness? And the more I did mirror work, saying like I am a mom, I am powerful, I am beautiful, I am this, I am that. The more and more I said it there was emphasis on I am I got excited and I started to feel, yeah, this is possible. I started to feel like, oh yeah, this is happening and oh yeah, this is now it has happened, even though it didn't actually physically happen in my reality. But I did things differently. I started looking at my vibrational offering. I started looking at my vibrational offering but, guys I've shared with you, I went back to my fertility journeys because there was multiple areas of my life that were not resolving that I again was not aware of my offerings because my emotions were so rooted in the past, no matter how much again, bunny ears quote unquote I was positive thinking or I was working on my belief.
Speaker 1:I was still very much subtly gathering the evidence in my environment of how time even though I would say things because I believed it that the universe is always working out for me. I believe in divine timing, even though I don't always working out for me. I believe in divine timing, even though I don't know what that timing is. I believe in mindset and manifestation. But there was one area of my life I really did not believe that it was possible. So I just said I'm going to make the best out of my life, that I can. I'm going to make the best out of my life.
Speaker 1:But I left this one area alone and kept saying time, time, because when I really honestly boiled it down, it was fear, fear of getting hurt, fear of being left behind, fear of evolving too much, that my family might not recognize me or love me anymore, fear that I won't be liked and I'll be too dang judged. There's a lot. I won't unpack it all, but it wasn't until I really asked myself this damn question are you addicted to the suffering? That always remained? No, to the. I really was, and when I had that awakening, I said to myself wow, my emotions were so rooted in the past. All emotions are rooted in the past, except the ones that you are creating right now, and if you, those will eventually become your past. Five minutes ago is your past.
Speaker 1:So keep creating new emotions and, even if they are rooted in the past, have them positive and loving, excited, grateful emotions, guys, it doesn't mean the heavy and the hard and the contrast doesn't exist. It's how you go through them and grow through them, because the whole point of having a desire, it's not about what you get at the end when you receive it. It is about the growing and allowing and seeing who you evolve to, to be in receivership of your goal, of your desires. Because this version of you who is hurt and quote-unquote damaged goods, if you will, because you are so in, rightfully so, guys, you are hurting. You are seeing people live out your dreams and you're asking yourself when and why me? When do I get this and why do I have to go through this? What did I do and how can I change that? That version of you is not the version of you that has your family. It's not. You will instantly change the second. You have your family and that's why I say live in your imagination, pull every part from your future into your present. Feel those emotions now so you're creating new emotions, not those past ones that are holding you back.
Speaker 1:And I know many of you can instantly say or easily say, but I have this medical diagnosis or I have this, or I have this, or I have this working against me. It is your belief. Do you believe that you can manifest? Do you believe that you are powerful? Do you believe and are you willing to persist through it all to get what it is that you want? I was so willing to persist in my fertility journeys, but the truth that I had to ask myself in other areas of my life was I willing to persist as hard? And the truth was no. I would have said to you yes, and I cried a lot of tears, but this was the best lesson I gave myself. I asked myself this damn question, this emotional impact question are you addicted to the suffering because something's got to effing give here? And I said, yes, I have to be, because, my god, it's not changing. And it was that moment I said yes, I have to be because, my God, it's not changing.
Speaker 1:And it was that moment I surrendered. I surrendered without realizing I surrendered and I thought, holy shit excuse my language, but how am I with my friends? What vibration am I offering? When did I start believing things were out of my control again? When did I believe that I didn't have the power to guide my thoughts to something positive, that I didn't have the power to create a vision that was beautiful and take actions towards that vision. When did I start becoming a victim of my circumstances and create this reality over again?
Speaker 1:Yes, I have so many beautiful things to be grateful for, but even amidst the things you can be grateful for, if your dominant feeling is in the negative, my God, you can create a lot of negative situations around you without even knowing it, because I stopped being aware of my vibrational frequency. I stopped being aware of my vibrational offerings. I felt my emotions and I would say, no, I'm going to think positive, I'm going to try and do something different. But it felt like hit after hit after hit, and I was like you know what, with based off of this circumstance and this situation, it's only time. I'll keep working on me, I'll keep growing, I'll keep evolving, but that silly little belief that said I can't became my affirmation without me even knowing it. So I'm here to share with you. Stop letting that little affirmation run your life. Really understand you are so powerful, you are so, so, so, so powerful, and you don't even know it. And even when you start to believe that you're powerful, keep going, because I truly believe we will never see the limit of our power, because once we get to a new level, there's always another new level to go to. And, my goodness, I'm excited about growth, I am excited about expansion, I am excited about the unfolding that's happening, because it is truly, truly incredible.
Speaker 1:And no guys, full transparency. It isn't all hearts and sparkles and unicorn farts. There is hard days, but I notice things different. Now I really ask myself this question am I addicted to the suffering? Because when past situations or circumstances start creeping in, I go yeah, it can be really comfortable to stay here.
Speaker 1:Because when you're in that gap, the gap where you are who you are and the gap of who you want to become and you're kind of standing in the middle, that's when you do your work. When you're gearing up to do fertility treatments, do the work. If you're in limbo like I was in limbo for three months do the work. Never stop doing the work, because that is your full creation mode, where you know you can't go back to the old version of you that accepted that this was your reality and that it was hard, and that all your friends and all your family and everyone is leaving you behind, not intentionally, but they're creating their life. They're and you're still saying when me? But yes, until you actually manifest your desire, you're stuck in the middle. So always go towards the future and pull your future into your present, then going from your past and pulling to the present, because that is always the wrong end of the spectrum. End of the spectrum. I want you to know that I love each and every one of you and I'm sending you love and light and I am proud of you. I am proud of you for being here. I'm proud of you for listening. I am proud of you for taking different steps.
Speaker 1:I want to go into the announcement section. In the show notes you will see there's a link. So I am part of a reading group where my coach and my mentor reads a book. We are finishing, ask and it's Given, and then we're starting a new book I believe it's you Too Can Be Prosperous by Robert Russell. That is starting December 2nd. It is an absolutely incredible thing. She is offering a limited time Black Friday sale two-week free trial time. Black Friday sale two week free trial where you get to come in on a Zoom call, we get to read the book together and you get her amazing insights and you can ask questions. If you can't be there, live on the Zooms. You do get a recording. That is the beautiful thing of it.
Speaker 1:But this also really helps growth and expansion because it's giving you access number one to an amazing coach. Number two, it is giving you that way of growth and expansion and keeping you in a place of wonder. When you keep yourself in a place of wonder. When you keep yourself in a place of wonder, you will see yourself grow and expand, versus being in a place of observing the negative or observing how things aren't working out for you. Even you can be positive and grateful but still observe how things are not working out for you. So I'll leave the link to the Black Friday sale. It's running for, I think, two weeks. I will put it in the show notes for the link to the limited edition or limited time, I mean, not edition, if you love to be part of our reading group. And then I also wanted to share that I have teamed up with my mentor, my coach. I am now on her sales team. This feels so in alignment with me.
Speaker 1:So, going forward, the podcast is still going to be called the Fertility Mind. This episode and all the previous episodes will remain free. All episodes going forward will be a subscription based. It's $7 a month $7 Canadian dollars a month, because this is the new level of me. So it is still called the Fertility Mind, it is still fertility based, but the thing is is that after you have your family, we are all governed by universal laws and you will keep evolving, growing and creating and you can use every single one of these tools and techniques for any area in your life. It doesn't just have to be fertility. So the other part of it is I will be sharing so much of my life, how it's evolving and how it's growing yes, still relating it back to fertility, but it is also showing about you get to step into the version of you. The fertility mind is now all about fertility and creation. Your womb is the womb of creation. It's the womb that holds life. Having a fertile mind is a creative mind, having a place where you can be in wonder, a place for love, a place for everything, a place for manifestation. So the Fertility Mind podcast is changing a little bit. It is still based in fertility, like in fertility, and there's many more episodes to come.
Speaker 1:I'm incredibly grateful for each and every one of you and, my goodness, my heart is just bursting. Have an amazing day is just bursting. Have an amazing day. I want to express my deepest gratitude for you tuning in with me today. I am proud of you and I am sending you so much love. I want you to remember that you hold incredible strength and power within you. If this episode resonated with you or you know anyone that would benefit from hearing, please share, and if you haven't done so already, head over to Spotify or Apple and please leave a rating and a review. In love and light, jessica.