The Fertility Mind Podcast

S2 | E20 What My Fertility Journey has taught me

• Jessica Friesen • Season 2 • Episode 20

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Hey, Hey, Welcome Back

Today, I am sharing what's on my heart. My fertility journey and IVF have taught me so much about the experience I want to have versus the experiences I was living day in and day out. I refer back to my journies each time contrast, growth, or expansion shows up. I retook the steps of how I persisted and grew through my experiences and situations. This has been such a pivotal reference point for me in my life because I cultivated something profound in me.  


Sending Love, Light and Gratitude
Jessica xxx     

Email - jessica@thefertilitymind.com
Website - https://www.thefertilitymind.com
Amazon Store - https://www.amazon.com/author/thefertilitymind

Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Fertility Mind Podcast. I am your host, jessica Friesen, a certified fertility mindset coach, a sound healer and an international best-selling author. My mission for this podcast is to give you weekly episodes where you hear my own success with IVF and how mindset and manifestation changed it all for me. You will also hear from my guests who share their success stories in the fertility world. I want you to know that you are not alone, even when things feel tough and when things feel like they aren't going your way. The tools and techniques you will get in this podcast, I know, can change everything for you too. So thanks for being here with me today and let's dive in. Hello and welcome back.

Speaker 1:

Today I just want to talk to you about what IVF has done for me, has done for me. Bear with me as I try and articulate the words, because for me I have so many things that I want to share, so many things that I want to say, and I want to help in every way I possibly can. But everyone's experiences is different. Everyone's emotional impacts and their upbringing, their environment, their conditioning is also different. So when I try and come on here and I give you the tools, the steps and everything how you hear it and how you apply it could be different how the next person hears it and applies it. For example, I started with listening to law of attraction audio books and I got to the point where I could literally recite word for word, for word. But as I went through different experiences, I heard it so differently and and I thought it's the same disc. I'm reciting the words as they're saying it, but yet it's hitting me differently. I'm absorbing it differently, I'm taking it differently, I'm hearing it differently. But I wanted to share with you what IVF has done for me. I learned that it's all about experiences. Even when it feels like you and your world are spinning out of control, you are left with heartache, you are left with pain, you are left with questions unanswered, you still get to choose how you want to experience this. This is why I created Fertility Fusion.

Speaker 1:

I did this simply because so many times in my life I've referred back to my fertility journeys, because that was the one thing I would not give up on. It was the one thing I persisted through grueling and heartbreak, through questions, through my self-worth, through everything. How could I persist through this but other areas of my life? It seemed too hard. It seemed like, you know, it wasn't going to change. Or I had no control over this or I had no control over that. How is my fertility journey so different? Because I didn't have any control over that either.

Speaker 1:

I created Fertility Fusion because I went through, step by step, how I evolved, how I grew and how. Yes, it wasn't until my secondary journey that I started studying with Bob Proctor and I really started studying me and understanding about my assumptions and my environment and my emotional impacts and my visualization and my visions and my goals and my dreams and connecting to them and frequencies and vibrations, and I could go on and on and on in this beautiful long run-on sentence. But I did something in my first journey without having that program, and I have created fertility fusion around my program that I took with Bob Proctor and programs that I've taken since, because these were all exact steps that helped me evolve and helped me grow. But even today, I still go back and refer to my fertility journey when I'm thinking about persistence journey, when I'm thinking about persistence or I'm thinking about you know, how did I go through this? How did I define this and how was I so willing to persist and move through this, when it was really hard and there was so much uncertainty, where other areas of my life have far less uncertainty. But I'm experiencing contrast, or I'm experiencing emotional impacts and I just want to throw in the towel. I refer back to this because what IVF ultimately taught me was experience. Yes, although we go through something that no one should have to go through, I started to learn about me. It taught me an experience that I get to ultimately choose how I want to grow through this, not go through grow through. Do I always want to be reminding myself my body isn't doing what it's supposed to do, or yet it's another day that I'm not pregnant? Or can I find gratitude in the day for what the day holds? Can I find love and joy and peace and gratitude? Right now? The answer is yes, but please believe me and understand as I went through this process.

Speaker 1:

There was a lot of tears, there was a lot of heartache, there was a lot of hurt. I didn't know to always go to the love side instead of the hurt side, and this is why I want to share this with you. I often went to the hurt side. How this wasn't fair. Fair. Why did I have to go through this. This is so cruel. Why does anyone have to go through this? If there is a god or a universe, why would they put women or couples or anyone on this planet through this? It it's cruel. I had those questions and I wanted to start understanding. This is my experience and the words. It is what it is. Harvest the good and forgive the rest is harvest the good and forgive the rest. Right now, this is what I'm sharing with my clients in Fertility Fusion. It is what it is.

Speaker 1:

You are on your fertility journey. What can you harvest the good about? Can you harvest the good that you've got a team of doctors helping you achieve your goal? Can you harvest the good that your relationship is still really strong with your partner or, if you are doing this on your own, that you have the drive and the persistence and the willingness to strive towards your goal and your dream and see your wishes and desires fulfilled? You're willing to take action. You're willing to take the steps. Can you harvest the good that you are still here to celebrate every single day? Can you harvest the good that maybe you have a huge support system? Can you harvest the good that you really understand that you're not alone? Can you harvest the good that you really understand that you're not alone? Can you harvest the good in any way, shape or form? Yes, you can harvest the good, you can absolutely harvest the good, but we are so bogged down. Forgive the rest, please know.

Speaker 1:

I know what's easier said than done because I've shared with you in episodes I curse the universe why would you do this to me? But I created experience and those experiences that IVF taught me. I really feel I am a better mom because of it. I understand I wanted to know my experiences and those experiences. As I watch my kids go through things, I think about my upbringing, I think about the conditions and environment that I grew up in and I tell myself I want to make sure my kids have all the experiences that fill their heart, not the experiences I think that they need to have. I learned about experiences. I learned about the control that I have. I learned about me. I learned about how powerful I am, and I still have no idea the depth of truly how powerful I am, and I still have no idea. No idea the depth of truly how powerful I am.

Speaker 1:

But it was IVF that led me to this study of me, if you will. And the question I get a lot is what? What is studying you? Studying you is really understanding your awarenesses, and studying you is really understanding your awarenesses how you make decisions, how you operate. Are you operating in the negative? Are you operating the positive? How you relate to your assumptions and your beliefs? Because what I'm feeling on the inside is ultimately going to show up on the outside, and knowing that I can use my imagination to really start creating the life that I want, that is the study of me. It's asking myself what is it that I really want? What is it that I really want? How can I show up as a higher version of myself? How can I leave everyone with an impression of increase? How, even when someone quote-unquote has wronged me or done something, how can I move forward? How can I move forward in my fertility journey when I feel so stuck because I feel like I've got no control, I feel like I have to listen to what a doctor says when sometimes it doesn't feel right. You have all the answers within and you get to create your experiences.

Speaker 1:

When I started the study of me, I learned how so much of my assumptions were in entanglement in a very negative or a low vibrational feeling and I was really tuned into a frequency of nothing really works out for me and that's what I was perpetuating over and over and over. I didn't think that I was worthy, I didn't think that I was enough. I used the terms and words like I guess I was just dealt this unfair hand in life and that's just how it was and that was my belief system and that's what I saw over and over and over again until I empowered myself. That's what I saw over and over and over again until I empowered myself. Ivf taught me to empower myself to ask questions. It taught me to empower myself that I am incredibly powerful, equally as powerful as you. Ivf taught me that when you really want something that bad, you will persist and continually show up. You get to create your experiences. You get to connect to your goals, your desires and your dreams. Ivf taught me so much about myself that I have a voice and I'm now using this voice to help you, a voice that otherwise might have stayed mute, a voice that I thought.

Speaker 1:

So many other people go through IVF. I'm not the only one. I'm not that special. Many other people go through IVF. I'm not the only one. I'm not that special and when I say the words like I'm not that special. Every single person is going through something and there is millions upon millions of people struggling with infertility. But what I am here to teach you is you get to create your experiences. You get to harvest the good from what you are experiencing right now. You get to flip your perspective. You get to look at things differently. You have the ability to create with your imagination and you have the opportunity to always choose how you allow your circumstances or environment to impact you. You have the ability to choose and to ask yourself questions of. I understand this is going on right now, but focusing on this day in and day out is this serving me, yes or no? If it's not, how do I want to feel? How do I want to show up, ask yourself day and night, how do I want to feel? I want to feel empowered. I want to feel good, and you are actually allowed to feel good amidst a fertility journey, and so many people don't know that or don't feel like they're allowed because they feel guilty if they're having a good time while they're struggling with infertility, are they really struggling? Do they really want this Absolutely, but every day that you have is a gift and it doesn't always feel like that.

Speaker 1:

I am speaking from the heart when I say for so long people on the outside would be like you haven't made, and I would struggle to get out of bed because I was in this, my mental prison, of how everything was so hard and it wasn't fair and I didn't have a choice and I was trapped and I couldn't control anything in all areas of my life and I would just say, one foot in front of the other, one foot in front of the other, and I got so sick and tired of people telling me how good I had it and I thought, if you only knew, if you only knew what I was going through, you wouldn't say those things. But then I looked again at my IVF journey. I persisted through the tears, the grief, the pain, the losses, because I knew that feeling of what it would feel like to have my baby or babies, my baby or babies. I connected to that feeling. Even when it felt so hard to connect to that feeling, I refused to listen to my outside world, I refused to give up, I refused to accept that this was my quote-unquote destiny or fate that I wasn't supposed to have children. I beat the odds, if you will, because I chose to empower myself. I chose to study me, I chose to dive into mindset and manifestation. I chose to connect to something higher than me, which, for me, it was listening to a lot of attraction, audio books which talked about the universe, which talked about gratitude, which talked about sending love. It talked about without using the word vibration or frequencies. It talked about, you know, feeling different and how you ultimately get to choose how you feel. I want each and every one of you to know.

Speaker 1:

Ivf taught me so much and again, I just said this a minute ago still to this day, I go back and I look at myself when I'm going towards a goal, or when things feel like they're spinning out of control, or I'm living in more negative duality than the positive duality, or I'm starting to question. You know, am I doing the right things or am I doing enough? Question all those things and I go. I persisted through emotional impacts, I persisted through grief, I persisted through things because I wasn't willing to give up, I wasn't willing to succumb to what could be my destiny. I said no, I have no use for you. What I have use for is that I'm going to have what it is that I want. And every time I go back, I apply my rules, I apply my tools, I apply everything and I say, if I could do it, then I can do it now. If I could do it, I can do it now. If I could do it, then I can do it now. And that, for me, changed so much when I think about how I started to create experiences for myself. I started to create an environment where I could vibrate higher. I started to create an environment where I could live in my imagination and really know that, without a shadow of doubt, I was going to be a mom. I was going to do this. Yes, there were some days that were better than others, but I persisted and I felt amazing, and I want you to as well.

Speaker 1:

And as things are unfolding in my life right now, I think about experiences and again I go back to my upbringing. For example, this week we were putting my puppy down. She's my dog. She's not a puppy, she's almost 16. She's my dog, she's not a puppy, she's almost 16. And I go back to the experiences. My twins want to be there. They're nine. They've had her their whole life. She was at the door waiting to greet them when we brought them home from the hospital, to greet them when we brought them home from the hospital.

Speaker 1:

And when I think about, I think no, I don't. I don't want them to watch the life go out of her eyes. They can say their goodbyes and they can be at school. When this happens and when they come home, we can have like a burial. We can have all of these things, have like a burial. We can have all of these things. That's what an old version of me thought. Yeah, that's it, that's. And I thought no, ivf taught me about experiences. What experience do I want to give them? I asked them what do they want, want? And they said they wanted to be there. And I thought as much as my mom wants, my mama bear in me wants to protect them. They want this and it's not for me to take away that experience from so. We have planned they'll stay home from school that day. We're taking my puppy, my girl, for a walk, giving her all the treats if she wants to go for a walk. We're loving on her and then we're going to be a family and say goodbye and then we're going to be a family and say goodbye. I want you to understand it's hard for me to talk about, but I also think about the experiences when we found out that this had to happen. I allowed myself space and time and I felt gratitude that I got to. I showed up for all the things that I needed to show up for, but I allowed myself to be, just to be with her, to spend this time with her for her.

Speaker 1:

Last week A version of me before I went through IVF I never thought about experiences that I wanted to have. I just got up. I existed, good or bad, whether the day was phenomenal or the day was average, normal day or it was a really low day. I was never waking up with an intention. I was never waking up striving towards something. I woke up and I did my daily routine Get ready for work, go to work. Whatever day I had is the day that I had eat, sleep, repeat, take care of my stepdaughters, do the things with them, my stepdaughters do the things with them. Or have a night with my husband cuddled on the couch watching a TV show. There was never a focus of goals or desires or dreams or asking myself what it is that I wanted.

Speaker 1:

I've recorded this episode so many times because here's a crazy thing, guys, I have had this cough and I couldn't go through minutes without coughing. But I came on to record and I stopped and I just said Universe, I want to get this message out. I don't want to cry, I just want to pour my heart into this, my cough. I can feel the tickle in my throat, I can feel it starting, but then it stops again. This is how I want you to be able to feel. It is so incredibly hard to say goodbye to my puppy of almost 16 years, but I also dive into gratitude that I've had this much time with her. I dive into that I know that her soul is free and her soul is going to watch over us and she'll always be with us. But again, this is what I say when I always go back to my IVF journey.

Speaker 1:

I persisted through pain, I persisted through grief, I persisted through a lot of things, and it taught me all about experience. What experience do you want to have? How do you want to feel? Start creating that every single day. Start creating that every single day. I don't want you to waste years and years and years of grief. I see this on social media all the time. I see this with my own clients, especially if they've been on a fertility journey for a long time. It's crushing. Their self-image is lost. I wish I could share with you how much I've lost myself and how I rebuilt myself. Maybe someday I will be able to share all of those things. And again I want to reiterate it's just. I want you to understand the things that I went through so you can understand how I could grow, because every single one of you, no matter your circumstances, your environment, your upbringing, any of those things, you all have this tool within you because you are worthy and you are powerful. You are so incredibly powerful.

Speaker 1:

Yet we succumb to our five senses and always looking in our outside world and we hear the words that doctors say, or friends or family say, or we look on the internet, or we connect with social media groups or things like that, only to find dwindling hope or only to find don't expect this, this doesn't work, or xyz. And then that starts to create a ladder of belief and we start to believe that and we start to feel that and that. We start to keep perpetuating forward and we keep seeing every single day the same results. And then we start to question will I ever get to have what I desire? Is there something wrong with me? And then that perpetuates. That becomes our latter belief.

Speaker 1:

Our assumptions are now that everything is really hard, money can only be made by this way. I can only get pregnant with IVF. Now, because I've been told this. What if there was infinite ways? Because there is infinite ways, but that itself was a bit of a challenge for me to believe or understand. I thought how is there infinite ways Like? This is just how it is. But again, that was my assumption. This is just how it is.

Speaker 1:

And then Bob Proctor said the words, and my new coach says this all the time it is what it is. Harvest the good and forgive the rest, because everything that you hold on to your past or yesterday, that is heavy, that is hard, is what you're going to keep perpetuating forward and it's going to keep transforming itself into different ways in your life. So this remains your assumption, your belief, your attitude, your frequency. You're turned into your lower vibration. I want you to know that I'm here for you. I will always show up for you, no matter what's going on in my life, but I wanted you to understand. This is what IVF did for me.

Speaker 1:

I could have very much succumbed to grief. I could have very much said IVF destroyed me. It took away my self-image. It took away my self-image. It took away my self-worth. It took away my finances. It took away this. It took away that I no longer can feel love, I can no longer feel joy. I'm in this purgatory. I could have succumbed to all of those things, but I flipped that perspective because I kept persisting. I kept persisting through connecting to my goals, my desires, my dreams and that feeling, and not willing to let go of that feeling.

Speaker 1:

I know sometimes when you go into the online world and you see mindset coaches or fertility mindset coaches or you listen to podcasts and we make it sound so easy. There is work to it. I'm not going to sugarcoat it. There's work to it. But change that overwhelm to. I am unfolding my journey right now. I get to create my experiences. It is what you're going through right now. It is what it is. Don't make it something bigger than it has to be. And I know that's triggering, because when I really thought, when I heard those words, it is what it is. I thought, no, my fertility journey isn't just is what it is. It's hard, it's hell, it's unfair. Why, why, why, why, why.

Speaker 1:

But then I leaned into the second part of it. Harvest the good of this to the second part of it. Harvest the good of this. My husband and I got a lot closer. Although he couldn't be at a lot of appointments with me, I got to call him and talk to him about it. It wasn't about just having sex and boom, I'm pregnant. We got to be really connected with what my body was going to do next, whether it was an egg retrieval or ovulating or waiting for my cycle to start. We got to be in the highs and lows together. We got to communicate.

Speaker 1:

Ivf gave me experiences. It gave me the power of my voice. It gave me the opportunity to empower myself, to study myself. Ivf gave me the ability to truly be a better mom, because I now think about experiences. My kids have it allowed me to really have the utmost patience and the utmost gratitude, because they're here with me now. And by all means, guys, I am not perfect. I still have good days and I still have bad days. Guys, I am not perfect. I still have good days and I still have bad days, but in those bad days I dive into gratitude. In those bad days, I remind myself what type of experience do I want to have?

Speaker 1:

Ivf taught me all of these things. How can you, right here, right now, look at your journey and start flipping the perspective, start finding the good, do a bird's eye view, take your emotions out of the equation and look back at all of the events? What can you harvest the good? Can you forgive all the emotions or all the heartache, or all the negative self-talk you've put on yourself and said going forward, I get to empower myself. Going forward, I get to be me. Going forward, I get to choose my experiences and I will be a better mom because of this, or a dad. I will be better because of this, because I know my strength. I am persisting through the unimaginable. I am holding a faith in something I can't see. I am holding a faith in something I can't see. I am choosing to show up, how I want to show up versus how people tell me I should show up versus how you know. I feel that I should show up because of all the things that I'm going through. Ivf has taught me so much. It taught me to seek more, which ultimately gave me principles of mindset. It gave me tools and techniques. It led me to a beautiful life.

Speaker 1:

So I want to leave you with this. How do you want to feel today and how do you want your experiences to be going forward? I love you, I'm so incredibly proud of you and I am sending you so much love and gratitude. Thank you for being here with me today. I want to express my deepest gratitude for you tuning in with me today. I am proud of you and I am sending you so much love. I want you to remember that you hold incredible strength and power within you. If this episode resonated with you or you know anyone that would benefit from hearing, please share. And if you haven't done so already, head over to Spotify or Apple and please leave a rating and a review. In love and light, jessica.