S2 | E23 Forgiveness

Hey, Hey, Welcome Back!
 
Forgive yourself every day if you have to—just forgive yourself! You need the emotional release so you don't carry it with you every day. 

Every woman I have met or talked to has shared how their fertility journey has changed them.  The emotional roller coaster they didn't ask to be on and waiting for the ride to end.  Forgive yourself! Trying to hide your pain, keeping yourself busy at work. Sometimes, it is all so overwhelming you can't hide it. Forgive yourself!  

In Love, Light and Gratitude 
Jessica xxx 

Email - jessica@thefertilitymind.com
Website - https://www.thefertilitymind.com
Amazon Store - https://www.amazon.com/author/thefertilitymind

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for eating the junk food. Forgive yourself if you went out and had a glass of wine or a beer or an alcoholic beverage. Forgive yourself for not showing up in the best version of you now that you've been listening to my podcast or read my book or done any type of personal development, but you didn't show up the best version of you now that you've been listening to my podcast or read my book or done any type of personal development, but you didn't show up the best version of you today. Forgive yourself for waking up tired. Forgive yourself for feeling overwhelmed. Forgive yourself if you've become more introverted and not spending as much time with your family or friends or being as social as you would like to, because it's just damn hard. Forgive yourself for being such a different person when you first started trying to grow your family to now being on this fertility journey for X amount of time, because you're not the same person. X amount of time because you're not the same person. Forgive yourself for trying your fertility diet and you didn't follow through. Forgive yourself for just feeling like this or holding judgment. Whenever you go out, you see someone that has your desired goal, your dream, your family, and you think what do you have that I don't, or why you and why not me? Forgive yourself for those thoughts. Forgive yourself for things that have happened in your childhood. Forgive yourself for everything right here, right now. Just forgive yourself.

Speaker 1: 1:51

Welcome to the Fertility Mind Podcast. I am your host, jessica Friesen, a certified fertility mindset coach, a sound healer and an international bestselling author. My mission for this podcast is to give you weekly episodes where you hear my own success with IVF and how mindset and manifestation changed it all for me. You will also hear from my guests who share their success stories in the fertility world. I want you to know that you are not alone, even when things feel tough and when things feel like they aren't going your way. The tools and techniques you will get in this podcast, I know, can change everything for you too. So thanks for being here with me today and let's dive in. So welcome back.

Speaker 1: 2:45

Today's episode is obviously all about forgiveness. I told you I was going to start showing up differently and I'm showing up differently. I wanted to talk to you about forgiveness and I wanted to start with fertility diets for a moment, simply because this has been a common discussion I've been having with quite a few women. They've asked should I go on a fertility diet? Should I not go on a fertility diet? Did I do a fertility diet?

Speaker 1: 3:13

And what I would like to say is this if you feel aligned or you feel called to do one, absolutely go do it. If you don't, don't, because here's the thing, it's the overwhelm that's going to change your vibration. So, if you feel excited and this feels something tangible and something that you can do and you're going to use your mindset in harmony with it, of you know what I'm following this diet, I know this is absolutely going to help me on my fertility journey, then it absolutely will and it's good for you. And there's 101 million different diets or fertility diets that you can follow. The reason I say they're not good nor bad. And if you feel aligned, do it. And if you don't, don't, simply because if it makes you feel overwhelmed, because the simple fact of like it's just one more thing that you are willing to try, but now you have to cut certain foods out, or you know just one more thing that you have to do, and it makes you feel overwhelmed Now you have to meal prep. Now you have to do this. Now. You can't have this Now. You can't have that. It lowers your vibration, it puts you in a lower vibrational state and that's going to take you away from being in that place of your imagination. It's going to take you away because it's just adding to that one more thing of overwhelm that you must do. When you look around and you think my neighbors, my friends, my coworkers no one had to do this specific diet to help their fertility or to you know, they got to have their desired family without having to do anything. Why do I have to? As soon as you start to turn it into, why do I have to? Your vibration has changed.

Speaker 1: 5:07

So that is what I say to anyone that asks me questions about fertility diets If you feel called to do it, do it. If you don't, don't. Because you don't want that overwhelm. And I want you to understand why, forgiving yourself right away, because some people will say, like I really want to try a fertility diet, but you know my work schedule doesn't allow it or it's just it's too much for me, but then you feel guilty, thinking like this is one modality that I could be trying, but I'm not trying. So therefore, am I possibly, you know, hurting my fertility. Don't allow yourself to go there. Forgive yourself for not going there. It's okay. Many people get pregnant without following a fertility diet. I did not follow a fertility diet. I am not a beacon to say no, don't ever do a fertility diet. Feel what feels aligned to you. That's what I share about fertility diets. But you need to forgive yourself because you need that instant emotional release. Yes, I talk about in other episodes about blessing and releasing, and it is an absolute incredible tool to use because it allows you to bless and release things that are going on in your life currently and, yes, you can connect all the dots all the way back to your childhood. But you can also do an instant release of just saying like, I forgive myself. Guys, I shared with you in last episode.

Speaker 1: 6:37

You know I've been trying to manifest something for a long time, but my underlying belief was just there's so many different circumstances and things going on that are out of my control, so I don't really believe that it's possible, but I'll keep trying. It's just that I didn't believe it was possible. So, therefore, I'm not doing all of the necessary actions or I'm not really holding the image that I want in my imagination without battling myself of like. Is that even possible, though, as much as I want it, and I can feel the feeling of what it would feel like if it happened, I hold it for such a small amount of time and then I go right back into my reality and then I gather the evidence and find the proof that maybe it can't. But that's okay, I guess, because I know how to manifest other things. So that's good, right.

Speaker 1: 7:28

No, I'm absolutely giving myself crap on the podcast, yes, but as soon as I started forgiving myself, I didn't do an episode for two weeks, because the first week after I aired my last episode, I started forgiving myself and I was emotional. I started to feel burnout because I started saying things to myself forgive yourself for ever feeling burnt out or feeling exhausted. Forgive yourself for the to-do list that continues on every day and is never fully completed. Forgive yourself for trying but not really believing. I started using the words forgive myself and the tears were flowing and the emotional release that I started to give in my body started to almost trigger a negative effect, because I started feeling so exhausted.

Speaker 1: 8:35

I never, for so many years, I have been in such a go go, go mode. I want to make sure that I'm home, present with my family, but also working on my business. There's always a to-do list. I don't allow myself to really relax. I'm always I need to be doing this, I need to be present here. So if I'm shutting off my computer from doing this, I'm with my kids. I'm doing all the things that I need to do to be with them, for them to feel loved for them.

Speaker 1: 9:04

I didn't give time for me and I could feel it as soon as I started saying I forgive myself for not giving me me time. I forgive myself for feeling like self-care was selfish. I forgive myself for pushing myself really hard sometimes because I had this cough for months and I finally said, screw it, I'm going to the doctor and I was put on puffers and, yeah, the puffers helped. But then I kept telling myself like, but I know me and I know my mind. What am I not releasing? What am I holding in my heart chakra? Because that's your chest area and your heart area. That is. So it's creating this dis-ease in my body. I'm clearly have stagnant energy and it started with the honesty of forgiving myself and just saying I forgive myself for this. I forgive myself for you know what not showing up as the highest version of me today? Because today felt like a compound effect. Just one thing after another, after another, and it just kept going.

Speaker 1: 10:24

And then the second week we were at a cottage where I said I am going to be a hundred percent present, I'm going to allow myself time to read, present, I'm going to allow myself time to read, I'm going to allow myself to really feel, see my awarenesses. And that's exactly what I did. And I knew that, coming back to the podcast, after taking that little bit of time, I would be refreshed, I'd be excited, I would be happy. And that's exactly where I am. I needed to feel those things and I need you to feel those things too, because that instant emotional release of I forgive myself, oh, it was messy for me. I cried, I did a lot of tears, but it also started a four-bedroom swap in my house. I did things that I've wanted to do for years. We purged so many things. I got two paints and bedrooms. We had to take apart our bedroom furniture and rebuild bedroom furniture so that it could actually leave the doorways and go into a new one. We did a four bedroom swap in our house where everything just finally felt aligned. It felt incredible. And that all started from triggering that release, that instant emotional release of I forgive myself, forgive yourself, right here and right now.

Speaker 1: 12:00

I know this sounds silly, but it's not silly and this may even sound harsh. Your fertility journey is what it is right now. You can't control that. What you can control is your mind. You can choose to go to your imagination. You can choose to harvest the good in every single day. How can you reconnect with your family or friends if that's what you want to do? How can you reconnect with your partner? How can you add more joy into your life right here and right now? Because if you really say to yourself this is what it is, my fertility journey is what it is. I'm not pregnant at this current moment, but I'm going to harvest the good and I'm not going to drag in every part of my fertility journey. Because every time I go to the fertility clinic and I feel those instant shifts in my body, because I know I'm driving to a place that's going to give me hope or they're going to give me bad news, I'm going to a place that represents there's a possibility for my fertility or crushing news. Your mind is just so incredibly powerful. Your mind is so incredibly powerful and I'm going to say this every episode because until it clicks, until you understand, until you understand, we are the most powerful beings.

Speaker 1: 13:37

And when you start to celebrate your awarenesses, even if they're not great awarenesses an awareness for me, a very subconscious thing that I could feel in my body, but I pushed it down, I thought, no, not dealing with that, that's fine. Or starting to really study my patterns, how I'm showing up versus how I want to show up. How do I feel, do I feel shifts in my body when certain contrast is being presented? How am I, you know, feeling? How? How often am I living in my imagination? How often am I connected to my goal in my vision of my dream, but seeing it as if it's already happened versus seeing it Well, when it happens, then then this will align, then this will happen. Those awarenesses, sometimes, yeah, you, those awarenesses sometimes, yeah, you get an awareness of thinking like, oh, I wasn't living in my imagination as often as I wanted to. Or uncovering such a hidden fear, a fear of rejection, a fear of being heard, a fear. Hold that. That awareness is a beautiful, beautiful thing. Celebrate it. Celebrate that you had an awareness.

Speaker 1: 15:05

Now you can focus your attention differently, you can start flipping those perspectives versus not having an awareness and just doing the same thing over and over, and over, and over again. It's not the same because it it's like Albert Einstein's definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over, and, over and over and expecting different results. You know, when I go back to my fertility journey and I've shared with you you I keep going back to my fertility journey because that it seemed so easy to manifest versus other things that I've tried to manifest that didn't seem to come as easy or as harder or more natural. I mean, some things have been harder to manifest than other things. But it's not about how hard it is to manifest, it is the law of gestation. It's how long it took me to gather evidence, to start doing something differently.

Speaker 1: 16:07

My fertility journey absolutely a hundred million percent. I wanted to have those babies and that's why I did something differently and I refused to give up on it when outside circumstances and forces were saying maybe it's time you give up or feel grateful for what you already have. You know, don't put yourself through that again. And all I kept saying was but I really want to have this and no one gets to tell me different. A doctor doesn't get to tell me different. A doctor doesn't get to tell me different. A family or friend, a coworker, you know someone on a podcast, someone in a book? No, no one gets to tell me different than what I want. And you know my, my mentor right now.

Speaker 1: 16:55

She said something really funny. Now she said something really funny, profound actually. Her and I were having a conversation and she was sharing about her massive shift that she had, and it was so aligned, of just putting yourself first and what it is that you want and be willing to do things that not everyone wants to do. Not everyone wants to journal, not everyone wants to. You know, get up earlier and study themselves, or go to bed later and study themselves. And when I say study yourself, I mean honestly, really looking at your patterns, getting a degree in you. It's really getting a degree in you.

Speaker 1: 17:42

How do you operate? How do you show up? What do you want? Because, yes, so many of you can say, duh, jessica, I want to have my desired family. Yes, but what else do you really want? How would you show up if you had your desired family? How would you show up if you knew that yes, absolutely guaranteed you could have your desired family? How would you show up now versus showing up once that were to happen? Understanding your behaviors, understanding your limiting beliefs, understanding how you operate is studying you, because that is a very common question. What does it mean to study you? Get a degree in you. How do you show up at work? How do you show up on social media or texting? How do you show up on social media or texting? How do you show up? How do you show up? Are you the same person that you are around your friends, that you are, your family? Are you the same as you are with your coworkers versus your partner? How are you showing up? How do you feel? What do you do? Partner? How are you showing up? How do you feel? What do you do?

Speaker 1: 19:04

And that also ties into forgiving yourself every day, because you know what, if you just got crushing news today, yesterday, a week ago, and you're grieving, yeah, you can forgive yourself for not, you know, showing up with you know your life feeling like it's rainbow arts and unicorn farts. No one's life is perfect. Contrast exists in every single person's life. It's how you choose to deal with it and grow through it. That sets you apart, but start with forgiving yourself every single day, forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for hearing crushing news. Forgive yourself for being mad, for angry, for grieving. You're allowed to have all of those things. After all, we are human and emotions are a beautiful thing. And emotions are a beautiful thing. Forgive yourself right here and right now. Start doing something different. Make you a priority, because when you can start to master your mindset, so many things change, and I mean so many things change when you master your mindset, and that is also part of doing something that not everyone else wants to do, but when you do it, it sets you apart.

Speaker 1: 20:33

When you have the thought of doing something and you think, yes, I like journaling. Yes, I like doing awarenesses. No, I don't like journaling. Yes, I like doing awarenesses. No, I don't like journaling. No, I don't like mirror work. I'll do it if I have to. How do you do it? What vibration are you in when you do them? Are you doing them just to do them, or are you doing this to advance yourself? And are you being consistent in it? The consistency and being persistent in your goals and your dreams are doing the things that not everyone wants to do.

Speaker 1: 21:07

If you're in the overwhelmed state the thought of journaling or the thought of getting up 5, 10, 15, 20 minutes, up to an hour early to do something you might think why is this just one more thing that I have to do? But when you start creating habits, sustainable habits that keep propelling you forward, it does. Not only does it not change like I'm tongue-tied, not only does it change your mindset. It changes how you show up, it changes how you do things, and that's why these awarenesses are beautiful, and the emotional release of forgiving yourself allows you to start fresh. I forgive myself for not studying me today, but that also means tomorrow I'm going to do way better.

Speaker 1: 21:57

I forgive myself. You know what I didn't eat all day? I was so super, super busy. I grabbed a box of cereal and I just ate a handful right out of it. Think about the things. Forgive yourself for wanting to sleep in. Maybe you did actually sleep in. Great, you allowed yourself a sleep in. Now, tomorrow, get back on the horse, do the things differently. I could go on and on, but it's going to turn into another hundred episodes.

Speaker 1: 22:32

I just want you to understand that you absolutely can forgive yourself right now and start fresh. I want you to understand how incredibly powerful your mind is and by forgiving yourself every day, you allow that emotional release to happen and you also reset, saying you know, I forgive myself for how I did today, but tomorrow I'm going to do better. Tomorrow I'm going to do this instead. Tomorrow I'm going to do better Tomorrow. I'm going to do this instead Tomorrow. I'm going to focus on that Tomorrow, because how you showed up for today will set your tomorrow. If you forgive yourself Because maybe you had such an amazing day and you've got nothing to forgive, great, do it again. But chances are.

Speaker 1: 23:19

When you're on your fertility journey, yes, you can have amazing days, absolutely, but unless that is scheduled into your calendar or that's the forefront, you're constantly surrounded in your environment of gathering the evidence of how everyone around you, even strangers, have what you want and you don't have it, and you just keep gathering more and more and more evidence to prove that maybe this is never going to happen.

Speaker 1: 23:53

So, start gathering the evidence. Forgive yourself and start gathering the evidence right here and right now. Your mind is incredibly powerful and you deserve to have everything that you desire, and you can have everything that you desire, got to do things in a different way. Start with forgiving yourself. I love you and I'm so incredibly proud of you and you've got this. I want to express my deepest gratitude for you tuning in with me today. I am proud of you and I am sending you so much love. I want you to remember that you hold incredible strength and power within you. If this episode resonated with you or you know anyone that would benefit from hearing, please share, and if you haven't done so already, head over to Spotify or Apple and please leave a rating and a review. In love and light, jessica.