Hey, Hey, Welcome back!
Ever felt the icy grip of fear tighten around your dreams, especially when it comes to something as personal as your fertility journey? You're not alone. On this week's Fertility Mind podcast, we peel back the layers of anxiety and doubt that shroud our deepest desires. I delve into the various forms of fear we encounter – from dreading criticism to the daunting implications of aging on fertility – and how these fears can strain our relationships and sabotage our happiness. But it's not just about recognizing these fears; it's about arming ourselves with the emotional tools to dismantle them, starting with a potent affirmation to keep those creeping fears at bay.
Imagine putting on a pair of "rose-colored glasses" and seeing the world not as a place of barriers, but of boundless opportunity.
As we wrap up this episode, I'm thrilled to announce the enrollment for my Fertility Fusion course. It's a journey meant for those who are ready to reclaim their power and write their own success stories. With a weekly release of content, this course is designed to encourage a deep and sustainable understanding of each transformative lesson. So if you're seeking to reshape your fertility narrative and step into a space of empowerment, join us. Share this episode with someone who could benefit from a new perspective, and let's embark on this path to fertility freedom together.
In Love, Light and Gratitude
Jessica xxx
Email - jessica@thefertilitymind.com
Website - https://www.thefertilitymind.com
Amazon Store - https://www.amazon.com/author/thefertilitymind
Hey, Hey, Welcome back!
Ever felt the icy grip of fear tighten around your dreams, especially when it comes to something as personal as your fertility journey? You're not alone. On this week's Fertility Mind podcast, we peel back the layers of anxiety and doubt that shroud our deepest desires. I delve into the various forms of fear we encounter – from dreading criticism to the daunting implications of aging on fertility – and how these fears can strain our relationships and sabotage our happiness. But it's not just about recognizing these fears; it's about arming ourselves with the emotional tools to dismantle them, starting with a potent affirmation to keep those creeping fears at bay.
Imagine putting on a pair of "rose-colored glasses" and seeing the world not as a place of barriers, but of boundless opportunity.
As we wrap up this episode, I'm thrilled to announce the enrollment for my Fertility Fusion course. It's a journey meant for those who are ready to reclaim their power and write their own success stories. With a weekly release of content, this course is designed to encourage a deep and sustainable understanding of each transformative lesson. So if you're seeking to reshape your fertility narrative and step into a space of empowerment, join us. Share this episode with someone who could benefit from a new perspective, and let's embark on this path to fertility freedom together.
In Love, Light and Gratitude
Jessica xxx
Email - jessica@thefertilitymind.com
Website - https://www.thefertilitymind.com
Amazon Store - https://www.amazon.com/author/thefertilitymind
Welcome to the Fertility Mind podcast. I am your host, jessica Friesen, a certified fertility mindset coach, a sound healer and an international best-selling author. My mission for this podcast is to give you weekly episodes where you hear my own success with IVF and how mindset and manifestation changed it all for me. You will also hear from my guests who share their success stories in the fertility world. I want you to know that you are not alone, even when things feel tough and when things feel like they aren't going your way. The tools and techniques you will get in this podcast, I know, can change everything for you too. So thanks for being here with me today and let's dive in. Hello and welcome back.
Speaker 1:Today we are talking all about fear and, as per usual, I'm going to start you with three questions, but I also wanted to say I have a really, really, really big announcement that I'm announcing at the end of the episode, so please stay tuned for that. So the questions I want to start you off while we're talking about fear is what does fear mean to you, and do you think there's an opposite to fear? Then the second question I have for you is what is your biggest fear that you're facing right now. Write down as many fears as you want, but I really want you to focus on your biggest fear, that you're fearing right now, and then I want you to write down if fear was taken out of it, what would you love? And then I want to give you this affirmation this is something that I really really like to use and I just I think it's really incredibly powerful to bring you back, especially when fear can. It can so subtly creep in and then starts become becoming so woven into your daily life and your routine and your behaviors that sometimes you're unaware of it until all of a sudden, you start to kind of look back and be like maybe it's been a couple days, maybe it's been a week, it's been a couple weeks, it's now been a month where you've really been living in a fear-based state, or maybe it's even been years. So the affirmation I want you to say is I no longer have room for doubt or fear in my life, and I want you to say that as soon as you notice fear creeping in. Now I want to read this paragraph to you. Actually, before I read the paragraph, let's kind of go through the list.
Speaker 1:So we've talked about the poverty mindset, the fear of criticism. Have you honestly worried or thought or criticized people themselves for being on a fertility journey? Or maybe you criticize people for being so open about it? Maybe you fear being criticized that you're on a fertility journey, but think of it. Fear is a crazy, crazy thing and how it affects us and it absolutely paralyze us. Fear of ill health. So if you have been diagnosed with an underlying medical condition or you've been diagnosed with something regarding your fertility, that for you, you automatically start to fear. Okay, well, my body is not functioning, this is this and this is that, and the fear comes in. Well, because I have this, it's automatically going to be that much harder to to get pregnant, to have a baby, to hold a baby, xyz. And then you start to think about the loss of someone.
Speaker 1:I know the stress that fear can put on your fertility journey. I know the stress of being on a fertility journey. We all know the stress and here's the thing I even like. I have an amazing relationship with my husband and we've always been very, very, very good at communicating. That is one of our very strong points that we have with each other. But I even felt resentment. I felt resentment on our fertility journey. I felt angry. I felt a lot of very low vibrational emotions and even sometimes that fear of him criticizing me for me criticizing him. I couldn't always speak my mind because I didn't want to have a fight. I was already exhausted, I was already overwhelmed and I just thought it's fine to just I'll keep this thought to myself. But I was feeling a lot of feelings and a lot of relationships.
Speaker 1:When you're going through infertility, allow fear to come in, fear that is your marriage or relationship going to survive, this fear that are they going to love you? The same, when your body completely changes because of medication if it changes there's so much fear and, yes, strain can happen on your relationship with struggling with infertility. Maybe there's blame on one side, because maybe it is a male factor or a female factor, maybe it's both of you and you both blame each other. So many high emotions happen on a fertility journey. And then, when it comes to fear of old age, as soon as you hit 35 in the fertility world, you're considered mature and they start to look at egg quality, they start to look at becoming high-risk, they start to look at all of these different factors. And how many times have you guys thought to yourself my biological clock is ticking.
Speaker 1:I'm no longer like 22 or 24. I'm, you know, maybe I'm at my late 20s, maybe I'm in my early 30s, maybe I'm in my late 30s, maybe I'm in my 40s, maybe I'm in my late 40s guys. I know people firsthand that have gotten pregnant naturally at 48, when they even attended a fertility clinic and they said oh no, because of your age you will definitely have to go through a certain amount of treatments. I know people that have had success with IVF at age 50 getting pregnant. So I don't pay attention to those things because I know all of those things are low vibration and I don't want to track those low vibrational things into me. But I also know that it's a state of fear, and that is a state that, again, will never serve me to be in.
Speaker 1:And then the fear of death. I don't we don't really need to talk about that one and how that relates to your fertility journey, but it does relate to your fertility journey and I want to very briefly talk about it. There is the fear that what if you get pregnant and you can't carry the baby? Maybe you've already experienced this in your journey as well, where you've had miscarriages. I've had miscarriages and you start to think what if I finally get to the point of being pregnant but I can't carry the baby? What if something happens to me? What if this? And you start to go again? So now I'm going to read the paragraph that just drills this whole thing home about what fear actually does to you, because I want you to know. You hold so much power within you and I know so many of you say it's easier said than done. You're right.
Speaker 1:So choose to become disciplined. Choose to put rose colored glasses on and focus on what it is that you want and let go of the fear. Use the affirmation. I no longer have room for fear or doubt in my life because I know it's not serving me. Why waste your energy feeling and focusing on something that is not serving you? It is a habit. It goes right back to episode seven, where we talk about habits. Our habits and our behaviors are so programmed into us. So choose to become disciplined. Choose to even say the affirmation. Every day I get better and better in every way, so that you can choose to keep reminding yourself that you're going to put on those rose colored glasses, because I can tell you, spending five minutes in your imagination and feeling, that feeling of everything that you want is far more beneficial than staying in a place where all of the things are not happening the way you want them to.
Speaker 1:So if you've heard the saying, what you think about is what you bring about, think about that you are focusing on your attention in your five senses, what you can see, smell, taste and touch in here and you go through them. You observe that in your everyday life, but I've said this in every episode lately when we create something in our mind, so if we say, like we are having trouble conceiving, you've had that thought, you've labeled it your subconscious mind goes to work to prove it to you in your outside world and in all of your circumstances, in your environment. And that's where you start to see so many pregnant people. That is when you start to see and observe everyone. Having all the things that you have, fear takes over. So now we're going to dive into the paragraph. So I'm going to read this to you, because I want you to know that you are the master of your creation. You are creating your life day by day, second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year. You are the master of your creation, so why don't you start creating what it is that you want and stop observing everything that you don't?
Speaker 1:So in the book it states the only thing that you can control is the state of mind. A state of mind is something that one assumes. It cannot be purchased, it must be created. And the fear of poverty is a state of mind, in nothing else. Fear paralyzes the faculty of reason, destroys the faculty of imagination, kills off self-reliance, undermines enthusiasm, discourages initiative, leads to uncertainty of purpose, encourages procrastination, wipes out enthusiasm and makes self-control an impossibility. It takes the charm from one's personality, destroys the possibility of accurate thinking, diverts concentration of effort. It masters persistence. It turns willpower into nothingness, destroys ambition be clouds the memory and invites failure in every conceivable form. It kills love and assassins the finer emotions of the heart, discourages friendship and invites disaster in hundreds of forms, leads to sleeplessness, misery and unhappiness, and all despite the obvious truth that we live in a world of overabundance and everything that the heart could ever desire the only thing that stands between us is a lack of definite purpose. So think about that.
Speaker 1:Let's read the first sentence. Again, fear paralyzes the faculty of reason. How many times have you reasoned with your fear? I have to be on a fertility journey because I have this underlying condition. I have to be on a fertility journey because we've been trying for years, naturally, and it's not working. I have to do this because of this. Fear can paralyze you. Guys, I have shared with you fear as it paralyzed me in many areas of my life, including for years, from me stopping from doing my podcast, the fear of judgment, the fear of failure, the fear of not being received well, so many of these things paralyzed me. It destroys the faculty of imagination.
Speaker 1:This one really hit home because when I was getting my coaching certification, I had to coach people and one of the women that I coached, she could not go to baby showers anymore because of everything that she had experienced, all of her emotional impacts on her fertility journey. She could not go to them anymore. She would politely decline and say please don't invite me to any of them. When I talked to her about gently touching on how we could get her in her imagination clean, the feeling of having her desired family, she would look at me and be like, no, that is too hard because I know right now it's not going to happen. I know everything that I've gone through. I've been there before. I felt the excitedness, I felt the hope. I've had loss after loss. I've experienced this. No, I'm not going there. That's just too dang painful.
Speaker 1:That's what fear does to you guys. It destroys your imagination. It does not allow you to imagine the things that you desire. It does not allow you to imagine the things that you would love, because it teaches you that it's painful. It teaches you that it's not okay and it's designed to keep you in this small little box so that you don't grow or expand, because your mind wants to protect you. It knows you've survived this far right so you can keep surviving. So if it keeps you in this box and doesn't allow you to grow or expand or live in your imagination, fear fear can keep you there and, if you think about it, encourages your uncertainty of purpose.
Speaker 1:If you're not manifesting your desired family fast enough, you start to question is this even working? Is this worth my time? That's fear. If you think about it, it takes away your enthusiasm. You stop getting excited about doing your disciplined tools every day because you start to think is this working? Is it worth it? I don't know. Am I even going to have what it is that I want? Because I've already experienced this and you know, maybe I'm just not lucky, maybe she was the lucky one. I want you to really think about this. It destroys your accurate thinking. Yes, because it's keeping you in this small little box.
Speaker 1:Fear is holding you back from everything. It be clouds your memory, because every time you start to think about what it is that you might want, it starts to show you but look, what you've already gone through, and what if you go through this again? That's what fear does to you guys. This is what I mean when I say fear is that dirty little con that subliminally slowly starts to weave its way in. And because of our emotional impacts, because of our experiences, because of our created behaviors and our created habits, because of these emotional impacts that we've gone on, fear is really good at sneaking in there. And if you think about it when it says it invites in failure, you start to think about my body is failing me, it's not doing what it's supposed to do, naturally and you start to think that maybe you're a failure, that you've done something wrong. What if it was something that stemmed from your childhood or maybe your teen years, maybe it stems from you. Start to think well, I don't eat the whole 30 or clean eating. I eat what I want, so maybe I'm failing myself.
Speaker 1:Start to think about how you think and how you relate fear to every area of your life, especially your fertility journey. And then, when it says, it assassinates the finer emotions of the heart, it discourages friendship and it invites disaster in hundreds of forms, leads to sleeplessness and misery and unhappiness. How many sleepless nights have you had because you've cried yourself to sleep or you've woken up? Fear that you're supposed to go in for your trigger shot today or you're supposed to go for this but your doctor's notoriously late. What if he's late and I miss my window and I have to do this all over again? Think about the sleepless nights. Think about the misery. Think about how often you're connecting with your journey and how it hasn't worked this far. I want you to think about these things and start saying no, I have no more room for doubt or fear in my life anymore. I'm done with this. And when it says, it invites disaster in a hundred forms and it takes away your personality, think about how you show up when you go out with your friends.
Speaker 1:I can honestly say when I used to go with my friends especially my friends that already had children I was cautious of what I said around them. I felt I was really quiet, even though in a sense I know my situation is slightly different because I have three stepdaughters in my home. So on some level I could relate. But even then I didn't feel like I could relate because they didn't understand co-parenting with a different set of parents besides co-parenting with their spouse or their partner. They didn't understand the things that I was going through. So I felt on so many occasions I couldn't relate, even though I had children in my house. But I also couldn't relate when they talked about their own children and they would say things to me I'd be like I'd give anything for sleepless nights. I'd give anything to know what it was like to hold a baby in my arms that was actually mine, not my friends. Or to know what it was like to go for an ultrasound, to know an ultrasound pregnant. When you're in the fertility journey you go for lots of ultrasounds, but I felt like I wasn't super amazing to always be around.
Speaker 1:I was really really quiet and reserved. Because sometimes when you chime in and you engage in certain conversations because I didn't always have boundaries back then I invited a lot of comments that I know my friends and family members never meant as a hurtful thing. But when they would say things like well, like you knew you married a man who had had a vasectomy. You knew you married a man that already had children. Like you knew what you're signing up for? No, actually I didn't. I had no idea. Call me crazy and naive, I had no idea, and that's okay. Or there was lots of other conversations that I don't want to get into, but I was invited into conversations that I would sometimes go home and cry. So sometimes I even got to the point that I would even politely decline invitations to go out. That's what fear does.
Speaker 1:Think about. We are energy. We are energy beings. We can feel people. Some people may be more attuned to it. I really feel people's energy in a room and it can be incredibly overwhelming for me, but it can also I can use people's energy to energize me as well. I get really excited when the energy is really high, but I can also get really quiet and get really low and need to go home and just release it, because I absorbed people's energy. But we all feel energy.
Speaker 1:So think about when you go to a family function, and at the family function whether it's with cousins, friends you know a whole arraignment of family. Maybe it's even your own siblings that have children. You see these kids, it fills you up, but again there's that duality of no, I don't have this. So, as much as you can have fun with the kids, you can also have that instant feeling of when is it going to be my time? Is this going to be my time? Your family or friends or whatever event or surroundings that you go to, people can feel it and the conversation starts to go awkward.
Speaker 1:Or people can observe you because your body that's why we have things as body language your body will instantly change when you start to. You know, maybe you go in, you play with the kids, you're super excited, but then you start to go. Oh, maybe you observe things, maybe you're the oldest one and maybe you're the only one. Whatever it is that you're going through, I want you to understand. People will feel your energy change. People will feel your energy drop. Your body will start to droop in a certain way, and you don't even have to be conscious to it. Your body just naturally does it, because your body stores your emotions. But that's what fear does to you. The other crazy thing is that sometimes you fear happiness.
Speaker 1:How is it okay to still be happy and going out on date nights and doing these things with my partner or my spouse? I'm grieving. And if I'm not grieving enough, does that mean like I'm grieving properly or not grieving enough, or that I'm just like I'm a robot. I'm emotionless, I can just go through these whole things? Do you know how many women I've had conversations with where they're like I'm not allowed to enjoy myself. I'll enjoy myself when I'm pregnant. I'll enjoy myself when I'm at a certain gestation of my pregnancy. I'll enjoy myself when I'm holding my baby or babies. They don't give themselves permission to be happy right now, because how can they be happy when they're on a fertility journey? Happiness starts right now. You have full permission. Please start living your life. Stop waiting for this to have that. Then happiness. No, because your life is being created. You are the creator of your life. Minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, week by week, month by month. Start living your life. It is okay.
Speaker 1:I want you to go for a walk, minimum 10 minutes. Look around you. Here in Canada, there's not much trees on leaves or leaves on trees right now, but I want you to look around and see that there's an abundance of everything. There's an abundance of trees, there's abundance of houses, like. No matter where you go, you will find abundance of something. The universe is this most miraculous, beautiful, amazing thing, but we never stop and look at it and we are a part of this universe.
Speaker 1:Start to notice the beauty in everything. Start to notice the beauty in yourself. Start to appreciate the relationship that you have with your partner and, if it's feeling strain, remind yourself that this is fear. How can you start to focus on bringing love and joy back to you, back to your home, back to your spouse or your family or your partner? Don't let fear take over you. Don't let this lack of definite purpose your definite purpose is you really want to have your desired family, so do whatever it takes to get there.
Speaker 1:Yes, there's certain actions that you have to take, whether it is intimacy with your partner or medical protocols or being in a fertility clinic. Yes, those are certain actions that you have to take. But what are you willing to do right now, right here, right now? What are you willing to do and start saying to yourself I have absolutely no more room for doubt and fear in my life, because I know it no longer serves me and I don't want to spend another second thinking this or feeling this, because how is this serving you? How is this serving you? It's not.
Speaker 1:And I know, guys, please, I know I know it's easier said than done, but ask yourself and remind yourself, if you hold the power with you and you to change everything, what's stopping you? Hold on that, if you need. What's stopping you? So I really want to tell you guys, fear is this nasty little thing, but it's not so nasty, or it's not such a little thing. I mean, yes, it is a nasty thing, it's not such a small thing. It can absolutely control your life. It can control your life in so many different ways.
Speaker 1:So put a stop to it, because here's the thing the opposite of fear is love. What if you could love yourself more? What if you could love your body more? What if you could love your relationships with people, relationships with family, friends, relationships with your partner, spouse? What if you could love your life right now. Invite happiness in right now, because if this is your journey, if this is your story right now, you're in a shitty chapter. Excuse my language, but you're in a shitty chapter. You're on your fertility journey but, my God, this is not your whole story, so stop making it your whole story. Start loving yourself now. Start loving life right now. Start inviting joy back into you. Put those rose-colored glasses on and start feeling really good. Stop focusing on all the things that are not working. It's not helping you, it's not serving you and it's doing nothing beneficial for you. Please know that I am sending you so much love and light on this journey. I wish I had a fertility coach on my journey.
Speaker 1:I had to be strong by myself, but, my God, I knew I could do it, because the thought of living my life without my desired family was far too big than dealing with anything else. How could I go on living my life when this is the one thing I wanted more than anything? I knew I had to continue living my life. I knew I had to start bringing joy and other things back into it instead of focusing on everything, how it was not working for me. I was observing everyone having the things that I wanted. But the more I practiced and the more this became a discipline for me, the more I noticed how fast time was changing, how things were aligning and how things were no longer being a coincidence and they were synchronicities. And when I started tapping into those synchronicities, I started doing bird's eye view. I started seeing things differently and I thought, wow, so I enjoyed my rose colored glasses because I saw far greater results with my rose colored glasses than being blinded by the sun in my every single day life, going outside and being blinded and looking around seeing all the things that weren't working well for me, all the things that I hadn't had thus far to this point in my life. So I'm telling you, please put on your rose colored glasses. Start to focus on what it is that you want instead of what it is that you don't want. Now are you ready for the big announcement?
Speaker 1:As of Monday, march 11th at noon Eastern Standard Time, fertility Fusion my course is open for enrollment. I'm keeping it open for the week. Monday closes. Monday, or sorry, not Monday. Sunday March 17th at 11pm Eastern Standard Time. I'm only doing a small, intimate group. This is a beta group. This is the first group coaching I've done. I've always done one-on-one coaching, but I honestly know the benefit of group coaching. So it is a 12-week program that we run through twice, so it's a six-month duration. You have two live calls a week with me. They are recorded so if you can't be live, you can watch the recording. They will be emailed out to you. You will have daily things to do from Sunday to Monday, and the course starts live on Tuesday, march 19th. So we are live.
Speaker 1:I want you to understand how incredibly and how impactful this is. It is transformative. It keeps you in the tools, the mindset and manifestation and focusing on where you want to go with your fertility journey. It focuses you, but this isn't just a course to take. This is applying this information to you and your life and your fertility journey. So, because this is a beta, it is a discounted price. I'm only opening it up to 10 people and then, if you don't happen to be able to make it in, you will be put on a wait list and I'll give you more information on that after.
Speaker 1:However, fertility fusion the enrollment opens March 11th at noon Eastern Standard Time. Closes March 17th at 11 PM Eastern Standard Time. It is a small, intimate group. I'm very, very, very, very, very excited and, as my thank you gift, as soon as you enroll, I will mail you a package a cute little I shouldn't say it's cute little. I will mail you a package that includes the my Fertility Gratitude Journal, my Fertility Mind Planner and the Story of Us. These three books absolutely go hand in hand. You do have a workbook that will be emailed to you.
Speaker 1:The course is so you will get your login information and everything else like that.
Speaker 1:But I load it week by week Because one thing that I have known for group coaching is people want to jump ahead, they want to go look at all the courses, they want to see all the things.
Speaker 1:So you'll see the course titles. You just won't be able to access the videos and the homework and everything else with them, because I want you to really focus and really embody, really fuse, really fuse with what it is that you're learning week by week by week. So I am sending you so much love and so much gratitude and I'm really proud of you for being here with me today and I'm really excited to see you in Fertility Fusion. I love you. I want to express my deepest gratitude for you tuning in with me today. I am proud of you and I am sending you so much love. I want you to remember that you hold incredible strength and power within you. If this episode resonated with you or you know anyone that would benefit from hearing, please share. And if you haven't done so already, head over to Spotify or Apple and please leave a rating and a review in love and light, jessica.