Hey, Hey, Welcome Back!
In this Episode, excuse a few expletives that I drop I'm just so passionate about the topic of observing your assumptions. They are a direct correlation to where you are vibrating and a looking glass to what is going on inside.
I invite you to take charge of your assumptions and transform them to serve you better.
In Love, Light and Gratitude
Jessica xxx
Links to journals
The Story of Us - Soft Cover
The Story of Us - Hard Cover
Manifested
The Proof is in the Pages
Email - jessica@thefertilitymind.com
Website - https://www.thefertilitymind.com
Amazon Store - https://www.amazon.com/author/thefertilitymind
Hey, Hey, Welcome Back!
In this Episode, excuse a few expletives that I drop I'm just so passionate about the topic of observing your assumptions. They are a direct correlation to where you are vibrating and a looking glass to what is going on inside.
I invite you to take charge of your assumptions and transform them to serve you better.
In Love, Light and Gratitude
Jessica xxx
Links to journals
The Story of Us - Soft Cover
The Story of Us - Hard Cover
Manifested
The Proof is in the Pages
Email - jessica@thefertilitymind.com
Website - https://www.thefertilitymind.com
Amazon Store - https://www.amazon.com/author/thefertilitymind
Welcome to the Fertility Mind podcast. I am your host, jessica Friesen, a certified fertility mindset coach, a sound healer and an international best-selling author. My mission for this podcast is to give you weekly episodes where you hear my own success with IVF and how mindset and manifestation changed it all for me. You will also hear from my guests who share their success stories in the fertility world. I want you to know that you are not alone, even when things feel tough and when things feel like they aren't going your way. The tools and techniques you will get in this podcast, I know, can change everything for you too. So thanks for being here with me today and let's dive in. Hello and welcome back.
Speaker 1:Today I want to talk to you about observing your assumptions and how this can be a very powerful thing, and when you start to observe your assumptions, you will see how your days change dramatically. The reason I'm saying this is because when you make an assumption, you create a feeling and you take actions and make decisions based off of that feeling. And assumptions can often be a direct correlation of what's going on in the inside, and they're also where you can identify where you're vibrating. Are you vibrating high or you vibrating low, maybe you're even vibrating, neutral, and some assumptions can be just quick thoughts that just come in and out. You assume something and you're like, ah, it doesn't faze me, I'm neutral to it, I'll get on with my day. But bigger assumptions that you can make can completely derail your day, especially if it's a negative one. The thing is is that from the moment we wake up to the moment we go to bed, we are observing our environment and we're making assumptions, and we're making assumptions based off of how we're feeling on the inside and how we're vibrating. So when you start to observe them, you can get to a point where you literally snap your fingers and you get curious. I'm asking every single one of you and telling you guys get curious. And when I say get curious, ask yourself a question. Number one why did I make the assumption? Number two is this thought or feeling serving me and is this assumption warranted and if so, why? Or is there any evidence that I can gather before I continue with this assumption?
Speaker 1:So let's take text messages, for example. Every single one of us has had a text message where we've assumed a tone, whether it was there or not. We're all guilty of it and it doesn't matter. But what does matter is where you go from that assumed tone, if you reply back in a lighthearted manner or if you reply back in a different way because that didn't make you feel good or you thought like why is this person saying this? Snap your fingers for a second. Just say why am I making the assumption of a tone? What if the tone isn't there? How would you respond? And if there is a tone, how could you still respond differently that can keep your vibration in a higher state instead of lowering your vibration? We don't want to lower our vibrations all the time and I know a lot of things are out of our control and I know every single one of us has received a text message at one point in our life that completely like came out of left field and you go what the F is this and why? And then you scroll back to previous text messages and go like did I offend you? Did I like, where did this come from? Why? I guarantee anyone has received a message like that. But it's the assumption that you make, it's the assumed tone that you make.
Speaker 1:We make assumptions in every aspect, every area of our life and based off of your emotional impacts and based off of how you feel, is how you're operating and how you make these assumptions that completely change your day and create a compound effect. So if you're assuming negative things, you're creating a negative compound effect and it is wearing and tearing on you inside. If you start to create a positive compound effect because you're starting to question, you're starting to get curious and you're seeing where your assumptions are going and how you can flip them, how you can change them or how, even if there is warranted reasons to have this negative assumption, how can you change it to be the better? How can you change it to be the better? Because you never know what is going on in someone's day. I know this seems like such common sense, but even your best friend or best friends, your closest people, you don't always know their most intimate thoughts. I want to share this with you.
Speaker 1:When I, when my husband and I were on our fertility journey, there was a period where I resented him. I'm sure he felt that I was off, but I never told him. He knows now, but in that time I never told him. I resented him. I never told him that. I resented the fact that he had three children, naturally. And here we are. I never told him that I resented the fact that he had a vasectomy. The reality is, guys, when he and his ex-wife made that decision, I was not a thought, I was not even an image or anything to conceive in their mind. They were married. That was something that they made in their own conscious, right decision to make. But there was such resentment that I held for a little while.
Speaker 1:And the assumptions that you make in a day Think about the assumptions you make on people. I will. People make assumptions of stay-at-home moms. People used to share their comments with me all the time of how clean their house would be or how amazing it would be to be a stay-at-home mom. Don't get me wrong. I absolutely loved every minute of being a stay-at-home mom, but a lot of the duality that I lived in was the fear of paying bills every month, the fear of losing my identity, which I did lose my identity, all because of things that were going on in my inside and I don't want to open up a whole other can of worms, but there were so many things.
Speaker 1:People made assumptions of how my life was when they had no idea, when I would go to baby showers, when I was on my fertility journey, my very first one I would hug whoever was pregnant. I would be so happy. I had a very big smile on my face. I even offered to like well, they open their presents right down like document or track who gave what, so they could send out their thank you cards later. I loved doing that.
Speaker 1:But the duality was I was crushed on the inside. I would constantly say to myself is this my life? Is this, will I ever get to have my own babies? Is this how it's always going to be? And then, very shortly after that, I would criticize myself by saying I have three stepdaughters. At least I get to experience that love. I should be grateful. But my God, guys like the shit that we say to ourselves. Hmm, it's a whole nother ball game.
Speaker 1:But because there was a lot going on in my environment, the feelings that I was feeling, my emotional impacts, that had a lot to do with my assumptions. It had a lot to do with where I was vibrating. It had a lot to do with everything. And I also needed to hide behind that smile, because if someone asked me truly asked me if I was OK, I would have crumbled. So I needed that smile. I needed to hide behind that. But the other thing was I was actually very genuinely happy that they were. You know, whoever it was a friend or a family member got to grow their family. Here's the thing Think about the assumptions. When you see someone driving maybe too fast on the highway, or maybe driving a bit more aggressive than is in your comfort zone, think about that assumption you instantly make. Some of you are going to be like, yeah, that person's an asshole. You're going to start. You know you'll think of the exclusives, you'll think of the things that you want to say, but where my heart and my thoughts naturally go now is I hope they're OK. I'll share this with you.
Speaker 1:When my twins were born the coldest note version of this I was an hour away. I called my husband. My contractions were two minutes apart. They were about to take me into a room to get an epidural. My twins were two months early and I needed my husband to be there. I needed my husband.
Speaker 1:This was a really scary event for me. There was so many unknowns. I was so thankful at that moment for my belief in the universe. I kept telling myself over and over I know everything's going to be OK. I needed my husband to get there now. I needed him to get there fast, but I also needed him to be there safe because I needed my husband with me.
Speaker 1:So because of that emotional impact, whenever I see someone driving, I think, oh my God, I hope they're OK. That's me, that's my emotional impact, that's something that happened to me that I don't assume the worst. I assume something like, oh my gosh. And then I ask myself, when I have these assumptions, I'm like OK, is this situation, is this scenario? Does this need to affect me? Yes, no, I ask myself questions, I get curious and if it doesn't, I just send love. I think I'm sending love to that person because they're driving fast, for whatever reason, even if they are a true a-hole. For whatever reason, they need love at that current moment. So that's how I send it and I let it go. I go on with my day. I keep myself in that higher vibrational state. I understand when you are in your environment, when you're on a fertility journey, shit can be fucking tough. Excuse my language, but my God, I understand and I know people have had far harder journeys than I've had. This self-talk is crazy, but the assumptions that we make.
Speaker 1:I want you to think about the assumptions that you are making about your fertility clinic, your fertility doctor or doctors. I want you to think about when you started your fertility journey and I want you to think about all the assumptions you've made along the way and start to think about this and start to think about how you can flip these perspectives, how you can start to understand it is okay to be in a dual state. Just change your dominant thought to be in a happier place. It is okay to have belly laughs. It is okay to find joy. It is okay to connect with your partner, to connect with your friends, to go out, do whatever lights your soul on fire, whether it's diving into a good book, whatever makes you happy. It is okay to find love and joy along the way while you're still on this fertility journey, which is not a place you want it to be.
Speaker 1:But I want you to think of the assumptions. There's assumptions in text messages. There's assumptions on people that you meet. There's assumptions on celebrities. There's assumptions on every aspect, in every area of your life, and the truth is we never have any idea what's going on in anyone's world. We really don't. I wish we could all have sticky notes on our forehead that said I just heard this news today, or I have to go do this after work today, or this just happened in my life. My world just flipped upside down. I received the most unimaginable news or I'm going through the most unimaginable experience. People will treat you different. People would treat you very different if they knew the most intimate inner thoughts or what you were going through.
Speaker 1:I can tell you when I was on my fertility journey. I'll give you two scenarios of working full time, juggling fertility treatments and appointments and things like that. I was working full time in an insurance office. Scenario one I got news from my fertility clinic. It was not news I wanted to receive. I needed to leave the office and I needed to head to London and I felt shattered. I didn't look at my calendar. I worked it out with my boss how I was able to leave and I went straight to London. I did not look to see that I had an appointment with a client.
Speaker 1:The next day I showed up to work, this client sent a not so pleasant email basically telling me I had no audacity to call, cancel or do anything, but I just didn't show up and I wasted their time and that was the most disrespectful thing to do. I called this client back the next morning when I returned to work and I did not explain that I was on a fertility journey. I just explained that I had received some unpleasant news and I needed to leave the office right away. And then I was incredibly sorry and that I would love to please reschedule our appointment. They were so polite and completely changed their tone, but that assumption that that person lived in through the day was I was arrogant, I was not nice and that was just beyond disrespectful. So imagine how that person's day was for the rest of the day. Because they made an assumption they had no idea what just happened in my day. They had no idea that my world just kind of flipped upside down. That's what I mean. We have no idea what goes on any Wednesday. We don't know these things. Here's another thing Three times that my fertility clinic had to call me at the office after my two week wait after my implantations, I was patiently waiting to hear the news if I was pregnant.
Speaker 1:Each time they had to call and tell me that I was not pregnant, I would take ten minutes, I'd ball my eyes out. I would then compose myself. I could fall apart when I got home. That's how incredibly strong women are. I know, we all know this. But again, if I wore that sticky note when I answered the phone, next for someone to call and complain about their insurance policy and tell me persist how this was not fair and all the things that they would say if they would have known the crushing news that I just got, I'm sure they would have treated me different.
Speaker 1:But these are the assumptions that we live in. We have no idea what is going on in the interconnected workings of someone's mind and body and how they feel. We can put on that happy, bubbly hat and show up because we're at work, we're in work mode, we're in whatever mode we need to be in and we can try and hide, but our assumptions and our vibrations are all based off of what's going on inside. So if you can start observing, snap your fingers, get curious, start asking yourself is this assumption serving me? Is it warranted? Do I want to feel this way? And can I gather more evidence before I continue on in this assumption? Because how we respond, based off of that feeling, especially if it's a negative feeling, you're going to be in a negative place and our emotional impacts and our environment is what is creating everything for us. So if you start to realize maybe you're making assumptions based off of a lower vibration and you're responding based in that lower vibrational state, what if you flip the perspective? What if you change those things? Will your day change? Yes, what if that text message didn't have to derail you? What if you knew exactly why your doctor was late at your fertility clinic? Or if you knew you had a crystal ball that told you the exact date that you're going to get pregnant, how you're going to get pregnant all of these things how would you show up differently? I know we don't have a crystal ball and I know a fertility journey is not anything anyone ever desires to be on, but I want you to start thinking about where you're holding your assumptions.
Speaker 1:I made a lot of assumptions when I went from a very small, intimate fertility clinic where I knew all the nurses by name and I knew the two doctors that were in the clinic to go into a massive clinic where there was I think there's six or seven doctors in there. There was 40 plus nurses and there was a cycle monitoring line that you call that. You never got to talk to someone. I'm not saying anything bad. It was just a different experience and I can tell you some of my first assumptions were I'm just a file. I'm not a patient, I'm just a file. I started to become aware of where my assumptions were. And when my doctor. He was notoriously late. But if I thought like if I knew what could potentially be going on in his world why he was late, what if he had to sit with a patient a little bit longer because of the bad news he had to deliver? What if some of his nurses called in six and now he had to pick up the slack of them? What if all the things, even if it was just his nature to be late? Who knows, that's not for me to say, but if I lived in those assumptions, it changes my day, it changes how I feel, it changes how I respond, it changes everything. But if I would have known all of those scenarios or all of those things, I would have been more compassionate, I would have been more XYZ.
Speaker 1:I want you to start thinking about the assumptions that you hold on people, on yourself, on your relationships, on your conversations, on your day-to-day basis. You make an assumption. If you slept in and you're now a little bit later for work, you've now just assumed you're late for work it's going to be a harder day. You've got catch up to do. You've got this. You've got this. Assumptions can be big or they can be small. Assumptions are in everything that you do. So when you observe your assumptions, you can start to observe so much more. You can start to flip that perspective. You can start to see synchronicities in a different way. You can change your days. You don't necessarily have to create a bad feeling. You can create a good feeling and you can respond differently, or you can take a different action or make a different decision that can alter your day.
Speaker 1:So my challenge for you is for 24 hours, hold no judgment, be completely neutral. You're just observing. Write down your observations of your assumptions that you've made throughout the day, big or small, and you will see where you were vibrationally high, low or neutral. Then do it for 48 hours and do it for 72 hours and then do it for a whole week and then continue on doing it. You don't have to be consistent. I encourage you to be as consistent as possible, but there's absolutely no point in beating yourself up over this. This is just because I want you to understand when you observe your assumptions, you change you. You change your environment for the better.
Speaker 1:Yes, undesirable contrast and things will show up but you can handle them differently when you observe your observations. They don't have to derail you. And, yes, if you're going through a situation where you're grieving, take time to grieve. But when you become aware of where you are, when you become aware of your assumptions, you can still choose to find the love and light within you. You can choose more self-care. You can choose a lot more things.
Speaker 1:Yes, give yourself time, give yourself space, but don't assume all the worst. I can't tell you. In all the hats that I wear, people have assumed my life has been easy. People assume that I have so much help. People assume, because I was a stay-at-home mom, that my house should have been spotless. I would have made all these amazing meals and all of these things. People made assumptions because there's an 9 1⁄2 year age gap between my husband and I. Assumptions were made of being in a blended family. I can't tell you guys, assumptions are made in every area of your life. I made my assumptions of people without knowing what was going on in their life. You've all been guilty of it. Don't spend any time beating yourself up over it. Just do yourself a favor and start observing your assumptions Because, again, whether it's big or small, it can dramatically change your day.
Speaker 1:Think about that person that's driving fast on the highway. I have that compassion for them now because of an emotional impact. How are you going to feel? Do you know what's going on in their day? Do you know what's going on in your partner's day? Do you know? Think about you. Know you send your partner a text message. You're really excited to see them. You've got something you know. You've planned a date night, or you've got some exciting news and for some odd reason, they had their phone on. Do not disturb. Or they didn't get the text message. And they come home and they haven't had the best day. And then you, you know. The assumption is they're going to match your excitedness. They're going to be so excited to come home. You don't know what happened in their day.
Speaker 1:So, instead of making the assumption of like maybe they're mad or maybe they don't care enough, or all the things, just talk to them. Gather the evidence, be like are you okay, what happened? And let them share. Then you, before you make that assumption that maybe they're just being a jerk-o pants that's what I call my husband. Sometimes we tease each other a lot and if he's, if he does something, I'm just like stop being a jerk-o pants. Anyway, the inner workings of my marriage.
Speaker 1:But I'm sharing this because when you understand and start to observe your assumptions, you will start to see synchronicities. You will start to understand how you have so much more control over your life than you give yourself credit for. You can change yourself from being in the state that everything is happening to you instead of everything's happening for you. I want you to believe that everything's happening for you. I want you to change your limiting beliefs. I want you to understand your inner workings. I don't want you to resonate that you were just given a shitty hand in life and this is how it is. No, take control of it and start with these assumptions. Start with observing your assumptions and how things are going, because when you start to observe your assumptions and you start to see where things are going, you will see the synchronicities. You will start to see how your days are changing. You will start to see how that quick assumption that you made completely changed your day. And how.
Speaker 1:If you take two seconds, snap your fingers, get frickin' curious, ask some questions to yourself and flip that perspective of like I don't know. No, I don't need to think that way. You know what? Maybe I'm reading this because I'm having an off day. So, even if it was a text message or a situation, that there was a tone, you can still be in that place where you respond from a light-heartedness to change, instead of engaging more in a negative conversation or an argument or whatever the scenario is.
Speaker 1:Think about when you want to apply for a job. Do you assume you can get the job? If you do, you'll get it. If you assume you can't, you won't apply. There's assumptions in everything that you do. If you assume that you leave a certain time, maybe you'll miss traffic. If you drive on a highway or you commute to work. If you assume that if you go a certain day of the week to an amusement park or whatever, that it's going to be busier one day than the other. You make choices Can be very mundane, little small things, but whatever assumptions that you make, you've labeled something. Your subconscious mind goes to work to prove all these things to you. So why not observe them, to change them, to start having better outcomes of what it is that you want?
Speaker 1:If you're on your fertility journey, start saying I am in the right place, the universe has me, the universe is taking care of me, the universe really understands my needs and my wants and it's working to bring its way to me. What if you're at that baby shower, instead of thinking, will this be my life or is it ever going to be a mom? Do I ever get to experience this myself? Flip your perspective. Change your assumption. Be like I'm getting to do this for my friends or my family because they're going to do this for me. Change that thought in your head.
Speaker 1:And I know some of you are sitting here right now saying you haven't gone through what I've gone through. It's easy for you to say you're right, I've only gone through what I've gone through. But I can tell you, without airing all of my dirty laundry I've gone through some shit. I've gone through some heavy, heavy, heavy stuff, and I'm not here to compare my journey to yours. I'm not here to say that mine was easier, mine was harder, mine was anything. I'm giving you the tools and the tricks, no matter how hard your fertility journey is, start to think of your assumptions. Start to see where you can change those things.
Speaker 1:We make assumptions on celebrities. We make assumptions on people how they hold and conduct themselves out in public. We make assumptions on every little thing. We make assumptions on how we can pay for our fertility treatments based off of what we see in our bank account. We make decisions based off of assumptions all the time. So get curious, do the homework. Start with 24 hours. I just want you to write down what you are observing as your assumptions, and then I want you to do it for 48, and then 72, and then a week, and then keep going. But please don't waste any time beating yourself up. I just want you to start getting curious so that you can see. Which brings me in to what I wanted to share from the beginning, because this is really exciting for me. My journals are now live. Soft cover and hard cover are both live on Amazon.
Speaker 1:I created the Keepsake Journal the story of us where you get to document your fertility journey and ultimately tell your story how you want to. It's got a place for you to put baby names. It's got a place for you to put pictures. It's got a place for you to journal. It's got a place for you to put names and special dates of people and things that have helped you along the way to create your family, and it's even got a spot for you to write a letter to your loved one. It's simple, it's elegant. It's something that I wish that I had on my own fertility journey.
Speaker 1:So in the show notes I will put the links to those. But as well as I've also created just lined journals. So the cover it has like a fun graphic and it has words like one says manifested. One says I am limitless, one is proof in the proof, the proof is in the pages, different things like that. I will link even just my blank journals below because I encourage you all to be journaling. I encourage every single one of you to be journaling. I have two journals on my nightstand. One is where I document all the synchronicities that I witness and the other one is myself reflection journal. So I've created these because I thought that they were fun, I thought that they could be useful. It's just I was in a creative stage and I wanted to put those on. But I encourage everyone to be journaling and I just want to thank each and every one of you for being here with me today. I am sending you so much love and light and gratitude. Have an amazing day.